Tues Feb 26 - Leo was full of fun at rehearsal and told us such funny stories that we laughed most of the time.
Wed Feb 27 - Recital at church, and a card party at home which kept us up till 12.30. Ate too much of sweets and such like and went to bed very weary.
Thurs Mar 28 - Rushed (again) up to the 5 o'clock service and spent the evening at home.
Fri Mar 1 - Mrs. Collins did well to open my eyes to the need of losing no time between now and June, for, she says, if I am not out of the woods by then, I never will be. That jostled me up, and at 5.30 I had the best lesson yet, singing high C's and B's and E-flat's; proving to her once and for all, that I am no contralto. We had dinner together, and then I went to church rehearsal.
Sat Mar 2 - Oh! the queerness of fate! My high hopes of yesterday dampened by Mother's having an awful day. Oh I can see no way out of it. Father is on the verge of insanity, and I feel worn to a shred with this daily round of scenes. What can I do? If I could only get away for three months where I could work in a care-free mood, oh, I feel that I could accomplish so much. But to fight against such odds is almost hopeless. And poor Mother; she realizes at moments her condition and then she is so pathetic. ... Church at 5 and could scarcely utter a note. And after such a splendid lesson yesterday! If I could only see my way out!
Sun Mar 3 - The idea of going away and living downtown until June haunts me and I cannot get away from it. Was so worn out and depressed that I could scarely keep from breaking down in church. Miss Hoveman was so kind and sympathetic.
Tues Mar 5 - Rehearsal in the evening. Poor Ella had a very unsatisfactory voice trial with Leopold, who, it seems, impressed her with the fact that she was taking up his time. He can be so unapproachable.
Wed Mar 6 - In the evening, Leopold gave his third recital. The first part of the program went splendidly, but the organ pedal "kicked up a row" in the last moment and instead of explaining to the audience, Leo signed for us to "recesh," which we did, looking like a flock of dazed sheep. Oh! It was a fiasco and Leopold was so furious at the old organ and at the men who should have come to fix it that he couldn't even speak.
Thurs Mar 7 - Had a church service at 5. and walked up with Mlle. Doxrood talking of Ibsen and Peer Gynt.
Sat Mar 9 - Church service at 5. I got there early and seized the opportunity of showing Leop. the silhouette. He thought it a most curious coincidence, and laughed heartily at his "poetic'' face. But somehow I gained a flash impression of his personality which disappointed. It seemed to me that there was a shallow note somewhere, which for one moment was struck; and which made me suspect that the man underlying the musician is not as broad and sympathetic a nature as I had fancied. I may be mistaken, but I do wonder.
Sun Mar 10 -
It snowed steadily from morning to night, and was very stormy. Mr. Duras had written (by type!) that he would try to come in to N.Y. and go to church with me, but the trains probably did not run as he did not appear, (and I did not weep!). Mr. Beddoe was also snowed up somewhere out west so instead of Bach's Passion Music we sang from the Redemption. No sermon this afternoon which was delightful as we got out at 4.45. ... Am still having fun at church with Leo's silhouette.
Wed Mar 13 - Studied till 11.30, then had a fine lesson with Mrs. Collins. The chief difficulty now is for me to realize that in the small tone lies the large one, and to begin with a pointed attack. That is why my piano tones and diminuendos are bad. She gave me five silhouettes and I spent most of the afternoon arranging it for his Leo-ship. And I should have been doing harmony. Alas! woman is a weak vessel. And this when I am not sentimentally inclined. I wonder what I would do if I had it as badly as Ella! In the evening he gave the 4th recital -- Wagner -- Palestrina --the most successful of all. He played the "Parsifal'' Prelude exquisitely well, but not the Walkurenatt which is ill suited to an organ.
Friday Mar 15 - The Tapper lecture, tho' full of paradoxes, was, of course, fine. He spoke especially of make our music a subjective personal thing, with which we can readily express ourselves, and not a thing which we practise so many hours a day, and then when called upon to sing or play, we find some excuse from, because we are "hoarse'' or "have no music with us.'' Those are what Leop. calls "paper-musicians''. He says that since our specialty is music, we must learn to think in tone and speak in it and learn to recognize the mode of musical speech of the great masters in their idioms. It is a life-work, of course, but then, why not?
Sat Mar 16 - Had an exciting interview with Leop. last night after asking to be excused on Wednesday. We argued pro and con for 20 minutes but he prevailed. I am very sure that the members of the choir do not exist for him, save as a species of organ pipes and pedals, and I suppose that is why he is successful. Ella and I walked down to 5 o'clock service, discussing the usual topic, which, to her, at least, can never grow wearisome.
Sun Mar 17 - We sang a "Passion'' chorus this morning and all thought it bad, altho' Leo has said since that it was fine. That is funny! Mother was very ill and Dr. Parks preached on the subject of Elijah's withdrawal to a cave to bewail the failure of his life. And the whole sermon seemed so directly a message to Father and Mother, that it was almost uncanny. Indeed many of his remarks would have had almost a personal application had they been there. In the afternoon the Bishop confirmed the various Japs, Swedes, Armenians etc. of the parish. It was the first confirmation service I ever saw and I cannot say it was an impressive one.
Tues Mar 19 - After that had a rehearsal of the Passion. Leop. was very jocular indeed, except when he loosed his temper on poor Mr. Phillipi.
Wed Mar 20 - In the evening the Passion (Bach) was given as the Fifth Lenten Recital; and it was truly a remarkable performance, when one considers that we had had no orchestra rehearsal. It went very well, and the soloists, especially Mr. Beddoe and Mrs. Kellogg, were simply fine. The church was more than crowded, with a large Jurka contingent, of course.
Thurs Mar 21 - Had luncheon with Ella, and then we went to Mendelsohn Hall to hear Miss McGrew. Her voice was lovely and she looked very pretty. I had to leave early for a lesson with Miss Thursby. A service at church cut that short and then, after supper, Mr. Duras and I went to the Waldorf to hear a fashionable singing club. It was a beautiful affair; all the ladies in full dress; the program was very interesting; I was out in all the glory of Ella's black hat and my aolian, and joy of joys - Mrs. Gilbert et filles were there and I spoke to them. I was so glad that I was dressed up.
Fri Mar 22 - Rehearsal at night.
Sat Mar 23 - Had intended to walk to church but the lesson lasted so long that I had to run, as usual, to the "Subway''. ... Am so used to going to church daily that I shall miss it when lent will be over.
Sun Mar 24 - Dr. Parks was absent and a visiting minister preached. He succeeded in increasing our appreciation of -- Dr. Parks. It is curious to me that so few ministers seem to awaken a personal and sympathetic feeling when they are in the pulpit. They get up and read the sermons, not as if they were the product and fruit of their own brains, but as a thing apart from themselves, and as tho' they were not quite sincere in what they so urgently insist upon.
Wed Mar 27 - Walked up to church for the Bach recital. It had less vim and swing than last time.
Thur Mar 28 - Then went to Ella's and together we trimmed two hats, the raffia and a black. She is a dear girl and we get along so well. We went to church together. After supper all hands worked on the tan suit, which Mila wants to finish for Easter. Bed at twelve.
Fri Mar 29 - A very "churchy'' day. Walked down, as it was a beautiful day and had full service at 11. A very beautiful one. Then Ella and I shopped and spent oh! so many pennies on veils. No wonder my money goes faster than it used to. I am acquiring expensive tastes! I intended going home but Ella urged me to go home with her to lunch, so I consented. I finished fixing my hat and at 4 we we went down for another service, also full choir. After supper the usual rehearsal, and somehow I did not feel at all tired, but sang for all it was worth. I shall miss the Lenten choir when it is all over.
Sun Mar 31 [Easter] - Well! my Second Easter Sunday at St. Bartholomew's has rolled around, and how I have enjoyed this year! It has given me so much. We started with a 7 o'clock service, a solemn and beautiful one with communion by the Bishop. At 9 o'clock it was over and we all trooped over to the Manhattan for the Easter breakfast and had such a good time! Stories were told and jokes and speeches made, and we had our innings with Leop. by telling him to "buck up'' and make a speech, and "not to be a duffer'' etc. The ladies received charming little souvenirs in bon-bon boxes, and by 11 we were back at Church. Mr. Beddoe was the "comedy star'' at the breakfast. After the 4 o'clock service Mr. Duras, Rose, Chas. and I walked home. I felt very chic in my new suit, which is a great success. Received a lovely Easter lily from Mr. D.