WTF? STFU!

Hello again and welcome to Frankly Speaking, my column about stuff. This week, we'll be talking about aardvarks. Wait, we did that all ready? Are you sure? Well anyway, they have a funny sounding name, don't they? Aaaaaaaaaaardvaaaaarrrrrrrrrk. Say it with me! Aaaaaaaaaaardvaaaaarrrrrrrrrk! C'mon! Say it! Ok! Fine! Be difficult! Anyway, I have to find a new thing to talk about this week. I know! I'll talk about monkeys! That's always good for ratings!

If you've ever been to the zoo, I'm sure you visited the monkey cage, and saw them hanging from trees. Not too exciting, huh? Well, that because the stupid zoo people never give them props. After all, you've seen the commercials that monkeys are in. They wear clothes, and makeup, and they look like they're having a good time. Also, they'll throw a banana at you if you won't give them your coffee coolata (I learned that from a Dunkin Donuts commercial (I haven't had donuts in a long time after forever. I should get some soon)).

Anyone who knows anything about evolution knows that humans and monkeys share a common ancestor. In fact, I read in one of my textbooks that rhesus monkeys and humans are similar enough to produce offspring. My first reaction to this was "How the **** did they know that?!" It's a sick world we live in when they do experiments of that sort. However, I'm not going to go into that because it violates the very reason that monkeys were created. They were meant to be cute and entertain us, and isn't that all that really matters?