Hello again, and welcome to Frankly Speaking, my column for pretty much stuff. Given the whopping zero votes for my story, the winner by default is option C. That means that poor Bill got eaten by the bear. Now that that horrible ordeal is behind us, I'd like to do something else, so I asked a few ex-presidents are very important question: what happened to Big Al? If you don't know who Big Al is, he was the mummified thing (not sure what he was, looked like a moose without antlers) that wore a jedi robe, and was kept in the display case in the basement of the GSU. He was one of the most horrifying sights ever, and now I'm very worried because he's loose. Anyway, here's what these presidents said.

George Washington and Abraham Lincoln: "Neither of these guys cared to comment, let alone open their mouth. This interview was cut short when people kept asking me why I was talking to my money."

Richard Millhouse Nixon: "I am not a crook, and I know nothing of his disappearance. You guys can't have the tapes of the conversation about my employees braking into the GSU. You're on my list!"

George Bush: "Read my lips, no new Als!" (Don't ask me what it means, even I don't know.)

William Jefferson Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that moose."

George W. Bush: "Maybe he escapalated. Yeah, that's it, he's probably a master of escapation."

Well, as you can see, those guys were of no help. Oh well, we may never know what happened, so I'm going to warn you not to go into the GSU basement alone. . .