My Crazy Trip to Philly
Featuring The Boston Fire Department, Super Mario and Doc Brown

Hello and welcome to Frankly Speaking, my column about stuff. Although I'm not here with you physically, I'm with you in spirit, and in writing (which you can clearly see). I'm hoping to make this year a little more coherent than the last. Anyway, I went to Philly this weekend to help my best friend move his stuff down there. It was a crazy ride down, so I figured I'd tell you about it.

First, we had to pack my friend's stuff into a budget truck. It was a small street, so we were going to just park it in the street and load it up. Now, this street is a short street, and there are parallel streets running on either side, so if anyone really wants to drive through, they'll see the truck as they're making the turn, or possibly even back up and go down the next street. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Well, apparently, it was for a few people, who sat behind the truck and beeped. We eventually had to move because someone called the fire department. So, we had to move it around the corner.

While driving down to Philly, we were riding and making jokes, and we even had some celebrity sightings. Super Mario was in the tollbooth for the Jersey Turnpike (the business of saving princesses and slaying giant reptiles must be dwindling). At one point, we were driving, and this guy in a "Guaranteed Overnight Delivery" truck starts beeping at us because he wants to get over to the far right, so I'm figuring, "Just because your truck says 'GOD' on it doesn't mean you own the road. Everyone knows that I do." Then, the truck passes us by, and Doc Brown gives me the evil eye. He must've wanted to speed up to 88 mph, so that he could generate 21,000 jiggawatts, or something . . .

So, that was the ride down. The rest of the story is heavy lifting and heavy drinking, and isn't that all that really matters?