asic Theory
 ertain experiences make some children more likely to be violent adults and teenagers, and other experiences protect them from violence.
 
Experiences that increase violence Experiences that decrease violence
Poor connections between child and parents or other adults. Close connections of child to parents and other adults.
Cold or harsh, inconsistent discipline—beatings, spankings given willy nilly. Warm consistent discipline—explaining why poor behavior needs to change and enforcing good behavior without violence.
Witnessing violence in the home—watching a parent get beat up. Growing up in a home where disagreements are discussed without threats or use of violence.
Witnessing violence on television—early exposure to violent media.  Non violent media watching. 
 
Witnessing violence in neighborhood. No witnessing of violence in neighborhood.
Being told to always fight if another starts a fight. Being taught how to calm down bullies and handle street conflicts.
Few skills for handling conflicts non violently. Many skills for handling conflicts non violently—asking questions, explaining your side of problem, offering a compromise, ability to keep temper.
Being taught to not trust "other" people who are different from you. Being taught to believe in basic decency of all people.
Being taught to act without thinking. Being taught to think and plan before acting.
Glorification of violent people. Glorification of non violent heroes or heroines.
Lots of violent toys. Few violent toys.
Being in a neighborhood, school or organization where bullying is tolerated. Being in a neighborhood, school or organization where bullying is not tolerated.
High exposure to guns. No exposure to guns.
No skills for handling frustration  or depression.   Being taught skills for handling frustration and depression.
 
School failure.  School achievement. 
Children believing that they are the only thing in the universe that they can count on. Children knowing that they are connected to and loved by the Universe.
 
    This site will help parents address each of these issues to raise safer children who are less likely to become victims of violence.

hile every child is born with a unique temperament—some mild mannered, some negative, some flexible and some rigid; some low energy, some high energy—no child is at birth destined to become violent as a teenager or adult.

    Different children need different parenting, but all children can be raised less likely to become violent and less likely to become victims of violence.

    It is important not to be a rigid thinker. Most violence is bad but not all violence is bad. Teenagers being murdered over money disagreements, insults and girlfriends, or children beating up weaker children for fun is clearly something parents never want.  However anyone can become violent if the circumstances are extreme enough. If someone is attacked, most people will fight back the best they can. Similarly if any of us saw our child being kidnapped, we would use any means including violence to stop the kidnapping.

    Right now our society is awash in violent solutions for all problems, and non violent solutions sometimes get drowned out.

    Adapt these lessons to your particular child. Teaching a fearless, impulsive child to always ‘stick up for herself’ might be encouraging a girl to be a bully. Similarly teaching an fearful child to ‘always walk away from a fight’ might set a boy up for becoming a victim.

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