ndividualizing Violence Prevention for your Particular Child
Some Children are Aggressive or Victims
Most Children are Bystanders to Violence
he first part of this page is written for children who may tend to be aggressive and for those who have been victims. The second part of the page is for all other children.
 Warning! Frequently Victims become Aggressors and Aggressors become Victims.
Children who are Aggressive

Children are born with a temperament, and they also learn by themselves as they grow. Any child can get into a mind set where he thinks being aggressive is the best way to solve all conflicts. This may have bad long term consequences for the aggressive child. Adults who were "bullies" as children  tend to have poor work histories, poor family lives and more trouble with the law.

If a child fights a lot, ask yourself if she has seen too much violence at home, in the neighborhood or on television. Review what kind of discipline she experiences, and try to understand her world view. Does she see herself as a victim. Are adults telling her that she is a victim and needs to fight back "in order to be safe."

There is a small number of aggressive children who have Attention Deficit Disorder. These kids have trouble smoothing out their interaction with other kids, so they will hit or bother other kids and not comprehend when other kids have "had enough."

All of these are suggestions. Consult with people you trust, like a health care professional, for your particular child.

Suggestions for Very Aggressive Kids
 
Good Suggestions
Poor Suggestions
Be sure child has physical activity that is strenuous daily. (for example sports, playground)  Punish child by taking away physical activity
Have child supervised closely so that any aggression towards other children can be stopped immediately. Allow child to play unsupervised
After an aggressive act--stop the poor behavior immediately, make child listen to how his acts made the other kid feel, encourage child asking for forgiveness and making up for his poor behavior.  No consequences for aggressive acts.
Teach kids that justice and morality are important. Teach kids that "might makes right."
Consistent non violent discipline  Frequent hitting for punishment
Non violent media and games Violent media and games
Non violent role models Violent role models--"killer coaches," hate filled youth leaders
Teach them that they can be successful despite disadvantages. Teach them that they are victims.
                 Children who tend to become victims
The victims do better as adults than the untreated bullies, but no one likes to be a victim and sometimes the victims become bullies.
Suggestions for Children who become victims
 
Good Suggestions 
Poor Suggestions
Have child play in places that are well supervised. Allow child to be on own with bullying kids 
Teach assertiveness--"Why are you doing that?"  Teach aggression--"hit them back." (This often does not work because the bullies seek a person over whom they will almost always win.)
Find and teach physical and mental skills Encourage aggressive sports as only outlet 
Encourage child to be an individual  Try to make child into something they don't wish to be
Have the school and youth clubs all have a policy of no bullying   Do nothing with the school and the clubs.
Arrange for child to be with safe kids when walking or playing in an 'unsafe' area. Allow child to be alone in unsafe area.
Teach kids to value themselves and all other people including those who sometimes act like jerks. They might be able to form a decent relationship with someone they are having trouble with.  Teach kids that all bullies are bad and have to be avoided at all costs.
 
Bystanders
Most kids are bystanders to conflicts. They usually don't fight. Bystanders tend to be three sorts.
1. Instigators who encourage others to fight.
2. Avoiders who shun any conflict that seems like it might turn into a fight.
3. Non violent heroes who go toward a conflict and try to solve it non violently.
Making more non violent heroes
 
 
 
Teach kids that bullying is mean and that they can try to talk to aggressive kids to stop the bullying.
Teach kids to go to the aid of those who are being picked on. If there are enough non violent kids, they can stop the bullying. If there are not enough of them, they may be able to summon the help of adults who can stop it.
Tell them not to turn a blind eye to injustice and meanness.
Teach children how to value the decency of all people--including all 'victims' and 'bullies'--Treat all people with respect.
Teach children to value their own decency. They are to treat themselves with respect. 
Don't believe the nonsense about aggression making you safer. 'Street fighters' are the most often injured and worse.
                                                   
Go to Next Page--Teaching spiritual strength
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