reventing Molesting
reventing Molesting
Two messages
you wish for are
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| 1.
Help encourage natural modesty. When a child is running around naked after
a bath tell them in a casual way, "Hey, put on your
underpants." If they ask you why say, "Your bottom is good, but its private. We don't want to see it in the living room." (The message is 'your body and your sex organs are good, but there is time and place for showing them. Public is not that place.') |
1. Too much talk about the specialness and need for privacy of the private parts. Try to avoid the message that sex is either completely taboo or 'extremely interesting to adults'. Most adults are not interested in children's bottoms. |
| 2. Teach that sex is private. If a child is touching himself and then asks you about it, say, "This is all right, but this is private. You can do this in your room, but not in the kitchen." Treat it like picking your nose. Picking your nose is all right, but not in public. If a preteen child chooses to spend a lot of time alone touching himself, talk with your health care professional. | 2. Either shaming a child about touching him or herself or saying nothing about it. If a child spends a lot of time touching herself and you say nothing, she will not learn what is private and what is public. Shaming makes children feel bad about their sexual feelings. |
3.
Ask about a child's day
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3. Repeatedly ask, "Did anyone touch you today?...Did anyone touch you 'down there'?" Eventually a child will say "yes" just to see what happens. If you ask "Who?" they will tell you a name; then the mischief begins. |
| 4. If you notice an extreme interest in sexuality, pain in the genitals, or discharge of the genitals see a health care professional. These may have nothing to do with molesting but need to be taken care of. Go to your health care professional. | 4. If a child has any genital symptoms (that might be due to pinworms, a tight foreskin, poor hygiene or molesting) ask "Who touched you? You can tell me?" |
| 5. If a child out of the blue tells you that someone touched them inappropriately, ask in a calm tone what happened. Don't put words into their mouths. Seek the advice of a health care professional. Don't ask to have the story repeated. | 5. If a child tells you that someone touched them inappropriately, panic outwardly. Scream and frighten the child. (This decreases the chance that someone will get a true story.) Ask the child to tell the story repeatedly. (Repeat tellings add untrue details that the child will believe.) |
| 6. Take stories of molesting seriously. Take a child to a health care professional to clarify the problem | 6. Ignore the report particularly if you like the person who is accused. (You may miss a serious problem.) |
| 7.
Have young children watched when they play outdoors. As they get older you
family rule might be "You cannot go anywhere
unless I know where you are. If someone wants to take you somewhere, you
must ask me first. That's the rule always."
(This will protect them from stranger molesters and 'friend and family'
molesters.) If they break the rule and go into a friend's house without your permission, use it as a time to reinforce the rule. "Going somewhere without telling me was bad because I didn't know where you were, and that scared me. I need to know where you are always." |
7.
Have young children play outdoors alone.
Say "Don't talk to strangers." or "Don't go anywhere with any strangers" and leave it at that. After the molester has been around your child playing quietly for a while, he is no longer "a stranger." Have them panic whenever a stranger talks to them. (This may teach them that the world is an unrealistically hostile place filled with kidnappers and enemies. This also makes children unnecessarily fearful.) |
Young children cannot reason well, but they like rules. Treat rules about bodies like other 'rules'. "No running in the parking lot." "No letting people touch your bottom." "No spitting in public."
