We are the Metalmaniacs
And we like to read our JACS
So just sit back and relax,
We'll give you all the facts.
We're Metalmaniacs!

Come join the Yale pariahs
And the Hopkins refugee
While we try to talk about some metal chemistry
Why don't you come and join us, for cookies and for tea?
Your presence there should not become
A thing of rarity.

We are Metalmaniacs.
We are not just some dumb quacks.
In Nepal there are yaks,
There's Amontillado in our casks.
We're Metalmaniacs!

Meet J. P. Caradonna, who has a black mustache;
And Tom Tullius, a department chair with class.
Pericles Stavropolous's work is not slap-dash.
Don't yell at us, don't scream at us
Or we'll do something rash!

We're Metalmaniacs.
Lizzie Borden used an ax.
We will not be so lax,
We will cover all our tracks.
We're Metalmaney
Totally insaney
Our Nickel is called Raney
Metalmaniacs.

Those are the facts!