Hamlet's Soliloquy (updated version -- Hamlet Meets GRE) 

     To GRE or not to GRE, that is the question.
     Whether 'tis nobler, in the grind, to suffer
     The slings and arrows of a "real world" fortune
     Or take Kaplan against a sea of testing
     And by applying end them.  To apply, 'tis cheap
     No more - and yet 'tis cheap to say we defer
     Our student loan payments, and the thousand hidden costs
     The grad is heir to.  'Tis matriculation
     Devoutly to be wished.  To apply, 'tis cheap...
     'Tis cheap, and self-esteem: Ay, there's the rub!
     For in those hallowed halls what `steem may come
     When we have blow'ed off this admin toil
     Must give us pause.  So - it's Respect
     That makes uncertainty of this young life.
     For who would bear the whips and scorns of Time
     (The addresser's wrong), the pre-med's contumely,
     The pangs of despised internships, the roommate's rent check's delay,
     The insolence of cubicles, and the Janes
     Who find some merit in these unworthy Jakes
     When he himself might his own quietus make
     With a fifty buck application fee?  Who wouldn't this process bear,
     Just call for recs to ditch a weary life,
     But that the threat of something after grad school--
     The undiscover'd thesis, whose author's calls
     No publisher returns - heightens the bill,
     And makes us rather bear the loans we have
     Than fly to others we know not of?
     Thus balance doth make Bach'lors of us all,
     And the plaintive hew of revolution
     Is sal'ried over, with a veil cast on thought,
     And youngsters of great mirth and portent
     In disregard instead avert their eyes
     And lose the name of degree candidate.  Soft ye now!
     The friendly valet!  Jetta Trek, in thy driver's seat
     Be all my C-minuses remember'd.