(If you aren't an astronomer you're unlikely to find any of these amusing.)

"Here is the universe as seen by the unskilled laborers of the night shift."

Rocky Kolb, in reference to observational astronomers. His later reference to the universe as seen by theorists was equally brash but, sadly, purely visual in nature.

"What I find most disheartening is the thought that somewhere out there our galaxy has been deleted from somebody else's sample."

Alec Boksenberg on the occasion of his 60th birthday celebration

"So at the end of the simulation we have 17 million particles and we have to do something with them."

Mike Warren on the extraction of astrophysics from gravity

"I'm an honest man."

Ray Carlberg on his recantation, based on dynamics of cluster galaxies, of a universe in which the matter density is high

"It's the job of a postdoc to stand up on these occasions. You were probably expecting someone more prestigious."

Douglas Scott on being the designated Joe Silk

"Bloody theorists - always trying to understand things."

Ian Smail, all-purpose mantra. (Some day I'm going to have this one engraved on a little bronze plaque and hung over my office door.)

"Should died many years ago."

Jens Verner Villumsen in reference to many, many things. (It's been said to me several times a year since 1987.)