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Jean Bodel's Nicholas Play

Prologue

The Preacher

Listen up, listen up, ladies and gents

--'cause God Almighty is keeping your souls--

For your own good, don't screw up!

I'm aiming to speak to you all tonight

Of St. Nick the true confessor

Who's turned over many an outrageous trick.

Those knowing who he is have been often struck,

As perusing his life, to find

That a king of pagans sometime ago

Had Christians neighbors, almost cheek by jowl.

Every day gone by brought another scrap. 10

Day one the pagans launched an attack

Just at the time the men of the Church

Had no idea of the fight coming on.

At once tricked and surprised,

Many died or had to give up.

The enemy Christians quickly flaring out,

The pagan pursuit turned up a sage in a chapel

Kneeling in prayer, before him a carving

Of venerable St. Nick. The felons

Seized him, the curs, and soon 20

Mocked him enough and knocked him around.

Then they took the carving and sage,

Ringed him tight and held him close,

Till they had him down before their king,

Himself aroused by the victory.

It took no time to lay out the tale,

For the king to know the Christian's fate.

"Old geezer," said the king to the sage,

You put your faith in this piece of wood?"

"My lord, indeed, for this is Saint 30

Nicholas' statue, the saint I most love.

To him I pray and cry that no one

Who speaks from the heart will

Be lost to him for good and all.

And he's the great guardian

Who triples and profits

Whatever one asks him devoutly to keep."

--"Old sack, I'll have you stuck,

If he doesn't triple and guard

What I own; I put it to him 40

To save your rotten skin."

So the king had him locked up,

His neck in an iron sling;

Then he had his coffers opened

And laid the statue right on top.

At which he said, "If anyone

Steals it and if he can't

Bring it back, it'll be

The Christian who'll have to pay."

Thus he had the business done 50

Until thieves had wind of it;

One night, some three hatched a plot

To grab the carving and steal away.

And when they made off

God soon stirred them to find

some sleep: a drowsiness fell

So strong they had to take rest,

Somewhere, I guess, in a shed they had.

But to the point of Nick's miracle,

I'll go on to what the book says. 60

When the king heard and saw

That he'd lost the carving,

He understood that he'd been had.

He ordered that the sage be brought to him;

Eyeing him now, the king then said:

"Old bag, you think I'm tricked!"

The sage could barely answer the charge,

So hard his guards twisted his arms,

One way pushed, pulled the other.

The king ordered his death, 70

A hateful end, execrable pain.

"Oh king, in God's name, a brief delay!"

Not now or tonight!" the Christian said,

"Just time to see if St. Nicholas

Will come and rescue me."

Reluctantly the king agreed.

And here the book says that

He had him collared again,

In his cell praying till dawn,

In tears as he called his saint. 80

Not forgetting his sage,

Saint Nicholas was underway;

He'd come as far as the sleeping thieves,

Stirring them up where they lay.

And now when they saw him,

They at once were moved

To do what he willed.

And he, without delay,

Made them return the statue

In all haste right where 90

They'd first seen it,

Just where it had been.

So when the king had discovered

The miracle's truth,

He had the Christian sage

Summoned, freed of his bonds.

Baptised himself, he stood

As godfather for his men;

He soon became good and wise,

And never more committed a crime. 100

My friends, we can read the saint's life-

Tomorrow's his day, his feast.

Yet there's no need to marvel

If ever you've had a bad break;

For all of you will see us show,

For sure, some clear examples

Of Nick's great feats

As I've told you just now.

This miracle of St. Nick's

Is the story of our play. 110

Then, quiet everyone and give us an ear.

First Setting: The king's palace, and a mosque--farther on, a prison; a public square in front of the palace.

Auberon the Messenger

Sire, offspring of Mahommed,

May he save you and keep you,

Yourself and your chiefs,

And strengthen your hand

Against ravaging foes,

Wasters and thieves,

Who do not worship our gods, 120

A dirty brood of Christian scum!

The King (To the Seneschal)

How's that! by my god Apollin,

Are there Christians in the land?

Starting in to war?

Actually such fools?

Auberon (To the King)

Sire, since Noah's days in the Ark

There's not been nor are

Any who've dared to set foot here.

Still the marauders have poured

Right in, vagabonds, and camp queens, 130

and their ilk, setting villages ablaze.

Sire, if you do not have a plan

They'll leave the land in ruins.

The King (To Tervagan)

Ah! Son of a bitch. Tervagan,

Is this the fruit of your work?

Damn that I dressed your face

And your chest in sheaves of gold!

If my oracle wasn't saying to

Wipe the Christians out, hell,

I'd make you burn and melt 140

And give you to my men:

'Cause you're not silver bars

But purer than the gold in the Arab east.

The King (To the Seneschal)

Seneschal, I need to hold myself in

Before I die of anger and spite.

The Seneschal (To the King)

Ah! Sire, forget this blowing up,

These curses and spewings!

Not for a count nor a king

To rant before the gods:

If anything, they'll put the blame on you. 150

Now since I'm your counsel,

Let's both go back to Tervagan

Bare to our elbows and knees,

And ask him to forgive,

To send us holy force

Against the Christian brigades.

And if he gives us our wish,

Then let him answer our prayer,

By some word or some sign

To strengthen our faith. 160

In me, there's no trick to fear,

And swear to Tervagan ten bars

Of gold to puff up his cheeks.

The King (To the Seneschal)

(Approaching the statue of Tervagan with the Seneschal)

Seneschal, if that's your advice-

Tervagan, my miseries

Have made me dribble on;

And I've been drunker than sops of wine.

I ask your pardon, confess my sins,

Bare to our elbows and knees,

Better, in fact, to cut them off. 170

Lord, send me your help

And remember our holy laws

That the Christians aim to destroy!

They've spread through the realm.

Lord, by oracle and omen,

Tell me how to rid myself of them;

Show me you're devoted,

By some black magical sign,

If the victory's mine, please smile;

If I have to lose, then cry. 180

The King

Seneschal, what do you think?

Tervagan has both laughed and cried;

Well, that makes a lot of sense.

The Seneschal

That's it, sire, you know yourself;

That laugh can deliver

The truth and confidence.

The King

Senseschal, by your faith in Mahom

And your loyalty to me,

Show me you know what this oracle is. 190

The Seneschal

Sire, by my great faith in you,

If I tell you what it means,

That'll be my last word.

The King

Seneschal, no need to fear,

By all the gods, you'll have no grief;

Just a little game between you and me.

The Seneschal

Sire, since you swear by the gods --

But I'd be happier still,

If you'd tap your teeth with your nail. 200

The King

Seneschal, rest easy my man!

(The King taps his teeth.)

Now I've done what you've asked:

Even if you'd knifed my father,

You'd have no need to be afraid.

The Seneschal

Now then I won't hold back,

Here's what the oracle means.

If he laughs first, it's your good luck:

You'll do the Christians in

Just as soon as you attack;

But if it happens that he cries, 210

That's very sad and a shame,

Because you'll reject the sign:

And it is always correct.

The King

Seneschal, let the curses damn

Whoever says or thinks such a thing!

But, by the love of my friends for me,

If I hadn't tapped my thumb on my teeth,

And Mahom not given you his surety,

I'd have you killed instantly.

But screw it. There's something else: 220

Go order out the troops,

We've a campaign on our hands

From Catalonia to here in the East.

The Seneschal

Hey now! Connart, call up the troops.

Connart enters on to the public place before the palace.

Connart

Fall in, fall in! Everyone fall in!

I've honor and rewards for you all!

Here is the King of Africa's band,

All come as one, the poor and the rich,

Ready to fight, as they should;

From Prester John's land to Iconia (PJ=fabulous east) 230

Every warrior's on hand. (I=Phrygia)

From Alexandria, Bablyon,

Romanians and Achoparts, (A=pagans)

All ready and gathered in ranks,

As are all the other hardy ones we have.

Whoever's hung back, tell him from me,

The king will have him done in.

Now sound off, let's hear it from the gut.

The King (to Auberon)

Hello! That you, Auberon, my man?

Auberon

(A little to the side but ready.)

Here I am, Sire. Your herald and man. 240

The King

Auberon, now see that you have what it takes!

First, call up the Parsees and Romanians.

Carry my letters and take my seal,

Tell them the Christians despise and flout my law.

If they hang back, they can be sure,

Their heirs, too, will be my serfs.

To it, my boy, they must be close to the gates!

Auberon

Sire, I'm on my way, there's not a camel so fast

I can't catch it in a country mile,

Or even outstrip it in less than half. 250

Second setting: the tavern, opening on the street.

The Innkeeper

At the entrance to his door

Good eats here, good eats here!

Get your hot bread and herring,

And all the wine of Auxerre.

Auberon

Aha! Now Saint Benedict, let me have

Your ring of surfeit again!

Auberon (to the Innkeeper)

What's on your board?

The Innkeeper

What do I have? My friend,

Wine with a body it takes a knife to cut.

Auberon

How much?

The Innkeeper

Regular rates and never was fined.

I don't overcharge or cheat in the cups. 260

So welcome to my place.

Auberon

Host, pour me a pint,

I'll have to drink it on the run;

No time to hang around,

I have my business to do.

The Innkeeper

Who's your boss?

Auberon

Herald to the king;

I bear his letter and his seal.

The Innkeeper

Bringing on the wine.

Well, here's something to go to your head;

Drink up, 'cause the best's in the dregs. 270

Auberon

You call this goblet deep --

No more than enough to wet a lip.

So tell me what the charge is--

I've got to be on my way.

The Innkeeper

A denier this time and next time

A full pint for a maille. (2 mailles= 1 denier)

Twelve pints to the honest lot: (1 pint= 3 deniers)

A denier then or drink some more. (1 lot = 4 pints)

Auberon

But give me the maille now

And the denier later on! 280

The Innkeeper

So you think I've fallen for your line!

You already owe me for a pint:

Forget about leaving here,

Unless I get what's mine.

Auberon

Look here, Host, when I return

You'll have your denier for the pint!

The Innkeeper

Oh sure, when the candle's snuffed!

Nothing doing, no matter what you say.

Auberon

Then we can't agree, unless

I can cut a maille in two. 290

Cliquet

(Approaching outside the tavern)

Who has the time to kill, to take

A r"le in a little play?

The Innkeeper

Hear that, my messenger?

That's your chance to make your play.

Auberon

Anything for peace, if I can fill the bill.

Cliquet

The bill? Then for everything you owe!

Auberon

If it's okay with the host, it's okay with me

Cliquet

Now that sounds all right.

(To the Innkeeper)

Wha' d'yo' say, host, okay with you?

The Innkeeper

Sure, s'long as no one cuts out. 300

Auberon

(To Cliquet)

Throw the dice, but no funny stuff.

Cliquet

(Throws the dice)

Clean as a bill, and just as you said.

Auberon

Sweet God, you don't have a five or six;

Just a double trey and an ace.

Cliquet

Oh heck! that gives me seven!

Lady luck has queered my dice!

Auberon

That was yours, now my turn to play.

(Throws the dice)

There my friend, count them up,

Not even a sip, but you're about to pay:

I've got three fours, what a lousy toss! 310

Cliquet

The devil screw these couriers!

There's not a day they can't give you the slip.

Auberon

(To the innkeeper)

Dear host, this gentleman will pay for me;

He's got an ugly mouth, but it's all the same.

(He goes off)

The Innkeeper

Go on then, too bad for the foot to have the teeth so close.

Third setting: Distant regions.

Auberon

(Before the Emir of Iconia)

Mahom save the Emir of Iconia,

To whose honor the king sends word

That he come with needed aid.

The Emir of Iconia

Auberon, say to the king for me,

I will arrive with my powerful men; 320

There's nothing that can keep me.

Auberon

(Before the Emir of Hyrcania, presumably at the Caspian Sea)

Mahom save you and bless you

Great emir of Hyrcania,

Whose aid the king requests!

The Emir of Hyrcania

Auberon, Mahom save your king!

Rest assured; I depart today,

Since that is his command.

Auberon

May Mahom, who rules over all,

Bless you, great king of Holoferne,

For whom my king sends in his need! 330

The Emir of Holoferne

Auberon, assure the king from me

That I shall head my stalwart troops;

I will not fail, not for all the world.

Auberon

Emir of farther Hebron,

King of Airissy, Trammel, and Araby,

Respond without delay,

To the Christian call for war.

The Emir of Hebron

Auberon, tomorrow at dawn,

I shall lead a hundred thousand Saracens.

First setting: The return of Auberon

Auberon

Mahom guard you and save you 340

My king and your men!

The King

May he bless you,

Auberon! What is your news?

Auberon

Indeed, Sire, so quickly have I sped

Through the Levant and Araby,

That never had a king a tenth

So many men in sight, as those

That come to you, many thanks,

Counts and kings, princes and earls.

The King

Take R and R, Auberon. 350

(The arrival of the Emir of Iconia)

The Emir of Iconia

King, by Apollon and Mahom

I hail you as your loyal man,

And here I've come at your command;

I pledge myself to fight for you.

The King

My friend, a man of your word;

As always, I can count on you.

The Emir of Iconia

King, from farthest Prata Neronis, (In Asia or Africa)

The land where the ®MDRV¯ourton®MDNM¯ sprouts,

I've come to your defense.

No one, I know, can love me more: 360

In iron boots, I have come,

A month's trip over ice.

(The arrival of the Emir of Hyrcania)

The King

Tell me, what troop is this

The Emir of Hyrcania

Sire, from farther than Galicia,

Where the poop of dogs is gold.

How much your love for me must be,

For I have ordered ships across the sea,

A hundred freighters loaded down.

The King

My lords, I feel for all your pain.

(The arrival of the Emir of Holoferne)

And you,then, how far've you come? 370

The Emir of Holoferne

King, from beyond the sea,

A land of fire and heat,

I've held nothing back from you,

'Cause I've brought you thirty vans

Of ruby and emerald gems.

(The arrival of the Emir of Hebron)

The King

And you, looking over here,

From where are you?

The Emir of Hebron

From farther than Hebron.

But I have nothing, you see, to bring,

For from where I come, the coins 380

We use are pot hole stones.

The King

How's that: by my lord Mahom,

Some riches you've pledged!

Now I know I'll never go poor.

The Emir of Hebron

Sire, I'm not putting you on:

Where we live, one man alone

Has a bag of fifty such stones.

The Seneschal

Sire, now your barons are here at your call,

We can send the Christians back through the walls.

The King

Seneschal, by Mahom, they are girding for war, 390

Though we kill or trap them, or drive them off.

The King

So go, senseschal, tell the men from me,

That I want nobody here to be unready.

The Seneschal

Lords, I address you all in the name of the king,

It's time for us to do their Christian vows in.

The reason we're here is to cut the Christians down;

For the crimes they've done they have to pay the crown.

So ready now to go, the king wants them out.

Chorus of Replies

Right on, and Mahomet lead us on!

Fourth Setting: The battle field; a chapel (?) to one side. Near the Christian camp.

The Christians among themselves

By the Holy Sepulchre! Lords, to the fight! 400

Saracens and pagans are coming like night;

See their arms shining; our spirit is bright.

Let's make our stand here, everyone brave;

Their hundred to one won't win them the day.

A Christian

My Lords, never fear, though it is Judgment Day;

I know that our cause is God's own way.

But I'll sell myself dear in this final sword play:

No coif or hauberk will save one of them.

Lords, let's make'em see that we're God's true men!

Paradise is ours, while they'll all become Satan's. 410

Be sure to show them in close how to use weapons!

A Christian, A Young Knight

Lords, I am young, but don't take me for granted!

Though my body's small, my heart's gigantic.

I'll lay hold of their toughest, there in the thick,

Count'im as dead, if I am just too quick.

The Angel

(He appears before the Christians)

Lords, may you all be assured,

And take no fright at the pagan sword;

I am a Messenger, come from the Lord,

Who will keep your hearts from being gored.

Hold your faith strong and your vows to God 420

As firm, that none of these demagogues

Who are known as their king's death squad

Will cut you down, for fear of their charge.

Be brave in combat, in body and soul

For God, 'cause everyone has to go

To the grave, where for His love those

Who are his lose no hope in His oath.

The Christian

Who are you, dear lord, who shares your care

And brings such words from God to bear?

If what you say rings true and calms our fear, 430

Be sure we'll be in our enemy's rear.

The Angel

I am God's angel, my friends,

Come to comfort and to lend

Some ease, for there at the end

He's set your seat high in heaven's

Realm. So keep your courage strong

In God's name, though things go wrong;

To be sure, you'll join a holy throng

With me -- it won't be long.

(Toward the pagan camp)

The Emir of Iconia

Sire, I am older than you 440

And know what all of us must do.

Trust me, my advice is true:

Our knights are tested men;

Eager to do the Christians in,

Not even a hope for them to win.

The Emir of Hyrcania

They win, those sons of bitches!

I'll hoist the first one in his britches.

But we can't let any get away.

The Emir of Iconia

My lords, for me there isn't any doubt

I'll beat their stuffings so inside out, 450

I'll be a Berenger mowing hay. ('Berenger'= a farmer's name)

The Emir of Holoferne

My lord ripper, since you alone will

Cut them through till all are killed,

Then I'm supposed to praise your skill?

The Emir of Hebron

Here they come, those rotten scum!

All together, knights of Mahom!

Brothers, the time is now, for good or ill!

(The Saracens kill all the Christians)

(Toward the "chapel," where the Sage is)

The Emir of Hyrcania

My lord earls, take a look now!

The marvelous deeds done this hour

Are barely like the thing kneeling here. 460

Look at this oaf beside his horned god,

Worshipping and thinking he'll get a knock

To smash his skull and tear his beard.

(The other emirs run toward the "chapel")

The Emir of Holoferne

Hold on now, don't do a thing,

He's our prize to stand before the king,

A special marvel, I can guarantee.

(To the Sage)

Up now, jackass, on your way!

The Emir of Hebron

My lords, we don't have all day,

You take him and give his god to me.

(On the battle field; the angel to the Christian martyrs)

The Angel

Ah! Knights the battle has brought low, 470

What heavenly joy is promised soon!

How right you were to strike a blow

Against the evil world surrounding you!

But for the sins that you've endured,

You now will know, you can rest assured,

The blessedness there is in Paradise,

Where God calls His friends to His side.

In you this passing world must see

What virtue is and how to die,

For God sweetly has made you free 480

To live with Him for good on high.

All hearty ones, all the brave,

Though taking their hurt to their graves,

Will enter heaven and there be crowned

And hear their glory, like yours, resound.

The Sage

(Invoking Saint Nicholas)

Saint Nicholas, blessed confessor,

Listen to my anxious prayer!

I need your help and your assurance!

Dear friend of God, loyal guide,

Keep me safe beneath your eye, 490

Stand guard for me against these villains!

The Angel

(Visible to the Sage)

Old man, I see you here downcast,

But God will come to you at last.

If the villains threaten execution,

Hold yourself erect in resolution.

Your faith in God and in the Saint

Will leave your enemies in pain,

For you shall have deliverance,

By your faith and your vigilance.

A Return to the First Setting: near the King

The Emir of Iconia

Sire, this is the day we celebrate, 500

The Christians dead, our army's great,

First in power, first in tactics.

Those buggers can't disturb our peace,

So fast we brought them to their knees

They were just some dummies for our practice.

The King

My Lords, I never will forget your love.

(Sees the prisoner)

But who's this you're holding by the scruff,

Dragging his feet, thinner than air!

He's a wriggling bug, his skull's got a point,

His helmet's dangling, he's all out of joint-- 510

You don't mean to say you found this there.

The Seneschal

Sire, since we knew you crave wonders

We kept him alive for you to ponder.

Now listen to what he likes to do:

I found him kneeling beside a pew,

His hands clasped, his face in tears,

Asking his horned god to calm his fears.

The King

Go on! old dog, tell me you pray to wood.

The Sage

Yes, my lord, I do , by the holy rood.

It's the duty of the world to believe in him. 520

The King

Then explain, soft dunce, where you found this wisdom.

The Sage

Sire, my Saint Nicholas saves every victim

From the weight of despair.

His marvels enlighten the darkest thoughts!

He helps you recover all the hopes you have lost,

He finds the way back for those who've strayed,

He restores to the faith the worldly and bad,

He gives the blind back the sight they had,

He breathes new life in whoever's afraid.

Once under his watch you'll never again

Think of yourself as bereft of all friends, 530

As someone lost, forever a waste,

No, not even if this palace had a golden parquet

And Nicholas the Saint could choose where to stay:

Such is the Saint who enjoys God's grace.

The King

Old bag, we'll soon see about all this.

Before I leave, I'll learn what marvelous

Things your dear Saint can do:

First off, he's going to the treasury,

And should I lose a piece the size of a pea,

I'll have you burned or hacked in two. 540

(To the Seneschal)

Seneschal, let's give him to Durant,

My torturer, my slaughtering man,

But for the time being I want him intact.

(Near the dungeon)

The Seneschal

Durant, Durant, unlock the door;

The Christians've left us a martyr.

Durant

(To the Sage)

Damn, I'd've had a better man jack!

The Sage

Sir, myself, I'd sooner hear a better tale!

Durant

Get yourself, old slop, into this jail!

It's an empty dungeon, worst luck.

So long as you're gonna be under me 550

This'ere jawbreaker's gonna stay busy,

Except for one tooth you c'n'ave fo'yo' mug.

The Angel

Good sage, be joyous, no need to fear,

Keep your faith true in the dear Savior

And in Saint Nicholas,

For I know that He will strengthen you;

Before very long, if your heart is true,

The king will convert, and his emirs desert

Their pagan creed for our Christian Word..

And for Saint Nicholas. 560

(The Seneschal returns to the King)

The Seneschal

Sire, he's been put away in Durant's dungeon.

The King

Well then, Seneschal, my sweet companion,

All the treasure, all that I possess,

I wish to have it fully displayed,

Taken from boxes, emptied from safes,

And set beneath the statue of Nicholas.

(The Seneschal has the order done)

The Seneschal

Sire, your command is executed:

Every soldier, all the recruits;

You can now sleep undisturbed.

The King

Good, by my faith in Apollin, 570

Just let me lose a faded pence,

That geezer will have his fears confirmed!

He'd better have his God ready at hand!

'Cause now the news will spread throughout the land,

I want them all to hear my terms.

The Seneschal

Hey there, Connart! Proclaim the king's victory,

Say that the gate's open to his royal treasury:

We want the thieves among the first to learn.

(Before the palace, in the public square)

Connart, the King's Crier

Listen up, listen up, lordings all about!

Gather round now, I don't want to shout! 580

In the name of the king, you are to know

That he's put out the royal wealth to show

Without key or lock protecting them;

What's more, he's setting out his gems

And gold for everyone's delight everywhere.

Anyone can grab some and take it from there,

'Cause he's called off the guards except

For a statue, a horned mahomet he's left-

No life in it -- haven't heard it cough once.

Shame on you then, 'less you blow out your lungs. 590

(Second Setting: In the Tavern)

The Innkeeper

Cagney, look at these measly dimes;

Go get Ralph to cry up the wines

And have some laborers in for drinks.

Cagney

Hey now, Ralph, let's hear you sing

That they've brought us a full barrel here,

Newly broached wine just in from Auxerre.

(Ralph, out in the street, about to sing out, following Con-

nart)

Connart

What's with you, rummy? What'ya wanna say?

Wanna tell me what I've told the crowd today?

Don't say a word or else I'll make a mistake.

Ralph

Come on man, dust off, give me a break. 600

God keep you but who'd'ya say you are?

Connart

Buddy, they call me Connart.

Crier, by birth and ability

For the whole municipality;

Sixty years and more since

I first got my appointment.

And you, what's your name?

Ralph

My name's Ralph, all the same

To you, a crier here in town.

Connart

Shove off, joker, time you were gone, 610

Your's the weakest voice, I ever heard yet!

Just lay out a mug and a baguette, (carried by wine criers)

'Cause I know you couldn't get your pecker up.

(Connart pushes Ralph)

Ralph

Careful, Connart! What's this stuff?

Connart

Yeah, it wouldn't take much to kick your ass,

Now just put out a mug and a washed out glass.

And don't forget that this is my job, mine alone!

Ralph

Well listen to the crap he's trying to throw,

At me, who used to sing the retreat!

Connart, you'll have your head in a sling; 620

Don't get me started or I'll bloody your nose!

A con pimp like you could use a few blows,

And I'd be sorry, if I didn't oblige.

Cagney

(At the door of the tavern)

Hey boss, Ralph's in a fight,

He and Connart, for the crier's job.

The Innkeeper

What the! Hey, hold on there, you slobs!

Ralph, bug off, you, too, Connart,

Or I'll have to tear you guys apart

Instead o' fixing us one sweet deal.

Ralph

Count me in.

Connart

Give us the spiel, 630

Even if I get myself fleeced.

The Innkeeper

Just this, follow my lead,

And you both can go cry throughout the town.

Connart, you shout whatever laws come down,

Either the king's or the municipality's;

And Ralph's to cry up the wines for me,

Make himself money for drink and chow.

And though I see him come back soused,

I don't want him done anything wrong.

Go'on, Ralph, I want you to singing your song; 640

I don't want him on you, riding your back.

Ralph

Okay, Connart, let's cut the crap.

I'll trust your word and you trust mine.

Connart

A deal's a deal, go cry up the wine.

Ralph

Wine, fresh wine, a full barrel here,

Newly broached wine, grown in Auxerre,

Savory, subtle, solid, and plump,

Springy like a squirrel over a stump,

Not a bit of must, not at all turned,

Aged on the lees, rich, sinewy, firm, 650

Clear like the tears of a holy sinner,

Makes a gourmet's tongue pass up dinner:

No other kind even comes close!

Pinced‚

(Coming toward the tavern)

Well, then, I want to savor its nose

Since it's been made to fit my needs!

--Lesser gourmets might well be pleased--

Besides, I've always liked it best of all.

Ralph

(Pours some wine into a goblet and offers it to Pinced‚)

See how it consumes the froth and sparkles,

And bubbles and has a dashing glint! 660

Hold it on your tongue and be convinced

That this is one outstanding wine.

Pinced‚

(Tastes the wine that Ralph has offered)

My God, man! the true wheat of Henin! (Henin=known for grain)

That was enough to turn me on!

Cliquet

(To Pinced‚, just come into the tavern)

Hey there! Pinced‚, how are you man?

I was hoping to see you sometime today.

Pinced‚

Okay, Cliquet, what do you say,

Let's you and I have a few drinks together.

Cliquet

Pinced‚, you can have something better.

Anyway, I've downed my share of nips. 670

Pinced‚

So long's the wine is up toward the lid,

I don't do anything but go through the door.

Cliquet

A drink, if you want, I can stand one more.

(To Cagney)

Four pints, Cagney, for him and for me.

Cagney

Boss, what's Cliquet's bill going to be,

'Cause he's just now ordered another round.

The Innkeeper

Cliquet, you want more, you gotta keep count--

Four pints already and then for the play,

And then for the courier earlier today,

So it comes to five deniers, more or less. 680

Cliquet

Okay, five deniers, that's no sweat!

I don't know a tavern ever kick me out.

The Innkeeper

(Alone to Cagney)

Now, Cagney, don't water it down

'Cause it's Pinced‚ the pints are for.

Cagney

(Headed for the cellar and speaks alone to the Innkeeper)

So what, he's no royal treasure,

The likes of him won't get us much.

(Cagney brings the wine)

Cliquet

Cagney, for this purple stuff you oughta blush

'Cause you know yourself you doctored it!

How come you think you can serve up shit

And call as your witness dear Saint James? 690

Pinced‚

(To Cagney)

How'bout bringing us, if it's all the same,

A candle and light -- the least you can do.

Cagney

(Bringing two candles)

Here, I am handing you not one but two!

But hold on, they're a denier each.

Cliquet

You're no slouch at counting up scratch,

Or for padding on deniers, as I could easily show.

Pinced‚

(To Cliquet)

Pour the wine, Cliquet, let's not be so slow;

If I wait any more my lip's gonna split.

Cliquet

Go on! drink up! We don't need a fit.

Drink! in the name of God! if you're all that dry! 700

Pinced‚

God! what wine! as fresh as clear ice.

Drink! Cliquet! Have we got a buy;

These people wouldn't know, not if they tried,

Even at sixteen, it'd be a steal.

Cliquet

Button up, 'count'o the honcho here

And his flunkey the fleecer!

Pinced‚

Yeah, he likes to snitch that vinegar,

and the honcho's a mark for the dough.

Cagney

Cliquet, by Saint Mark and a bucket of oats,

If you chew the cud, keep your mouth closed. 710

Cliquet

Suppose we drink to your health and all your beaus;

There's still some wine sittin' in the pitcher,

Left-over from the last time you took our order

And brought us these candles that burn uneven.

(Rasoir enters the tavern)

Rasoir

My buddies, God keep you, the king's enlisted men!

Now I see you guys, what more can I say--

'Cept there's no one like Cliquet and Pinced‚:

Ain't no one else I'd sooner see.

Cliquet

Right on, Rasoir, have a seat,

And imbibe the wine of our first order. 720

Rasoir

Okay, you guys, seeing there's a quarter,

I'll help you both out if that's how it stands:

What can a man do but be a buddy to friends.

Pinced‚

Give him some drink there, Cliquet.

Cliquet

This has a body you won't wanna waste!

Have a drink, Rasoir. You're a lucky man.

(Rasoir empties his glass)

That was the first and last we had:

If you could help us fill up again!

Rasoir

No sweat, my boys, just say it's done:

You could'a had'im bring yo'ten lots,

And I'd'a had you out of a spot. 730

I see it's time to get us the waiter.

(To Cagney)

Cagney, another full lot for us together:

God knows, my man, you'll have the bill paid.

Cliquet

Rasoir must'a sold his ass today,

To ask for another pitcher like that.

Rasoir

Word'a God, I only do what anyone can.

Drink up, drink up, the tab's no excuse;

Even if we had no more than twenty sous,

There's nothing for us to worry about

'Cause the innkeeper's gonna let us out 740

By morning, no later, if that's what it takes.

Pinced‚

Cripes, he's dreamed he's found gold some place.

Or he must know something to be so sure.

Rasoir

Come on! Come on! Take a drink and then pour more,

Let's not let on we've lost our nerve.

(They drink what is left in the pitcher)

Cliquet

Rasoir, if we keep drinking, we'll splurge

So much we'll have to put our clothes in hock.

Cagney

(Breaking in as he brings the wine that Rasoir ordered)

See now, Cliquet, this pitcher adds to the lot

Before another three -- five deniers you owe.

Pinced‚

(To Cagney)

Not watered down, you say, on God's own oath? 750

Cagney

'Course, by Saint James as my witness!

Cliquet

Full bodied, that right, that what you 'fess?

(Holds the pitcher out to Cagney)

Wait, then, you gotta know for sure the stuff you serve.

(Now to Rasoir)

You try it, too, Rasoir, so all'a us can learn

If you've drunk its like anytime this year.

Rasoir

Cliquet, before you pour, bring it closer here.

We're gonna try this new wine from this old glass,

And see if it comes out of the same old cask.

And then we'll see what the bill should be.

Pinced‚

Rasoir, did'ya have any herring yet to eat? 760

Seems to me you're drinkin' more than your share.

Cliquet

Heck, don't you see he fell into it somewhere--

I can tell, Pinced‚, 'cause I have the eyes.

Rasoir

Come on! Come on! What's with you two guys!

(To Cliquet)

Pour it on out, as if it were beer!

Pinced‚

Rasoir, your money's costing us dear,

'Cause we ain't even seen one smitch of it yet.

Last night, you must'a made some haul, nuff' to set

You up as the king of the harvest himself.

Rasoir

Not me, but I'll tell you somethin' else 770

'Bout where we can get us some very good stuff.

Pinced‚

There ya' go, I knew that you wasn't tryin' to bluff,

So if we could just get our hands on to it.

Rasoir

How 'bout drinking now, and cooling it,

'Cause what we lost we're gonna get back.

Great God a'mighty has set out a stack

So big that all of us are gon'ta wind up rich;

The king of Africa's got a horde to pinch --

Cups and goblets and drinking bowls --

And the keys and locks thrown down a hole,

And none of the guards standing watch.

On top of the treasure he's put in charge 780

A Mahomet, maybe wood, maybe stone:

It ain't from it that the king will know

Who's out to steal it, or how or when.

Today's the day we strike, us three men,

As soon as we know the time is ripe.

Pinced‚

In the name of God, you've got this right?

Rasoir

Right, you say, Damn right by Saint John,

'Cause I've heard someone say it on

The square, that nobody'd ever get it for good;

Except that it'd be easy if anybody could! 790

So tell me if you think we can't make a pinch.

Cliquet

The pitcher, Pinced‚, for if he says it's a cinch,

He can have a full glass, down the hatch.

Pincede

(Filling Rasoir's glass again)

Here you are, Rasoir, and for you the first snatch

That I get, that's yours, when we start this play;

Count on it, 'cause I'll back up what I say:

Whatever our first take is that's yours,

All of it -- Whatever we do, be sure

That I won't take some loot and scram.

But now it's on my mind, who's in on the scam? 800

Cliquet

Pinced‚, are we gonna play heads or tails?

Pincede

Not just my share, but the three of us go bail

For each other on the heist and what else comes our way.

Cliquet

Innkeeper, man, lend me eleven deniers,

So I'll owe you seventeen on the bill.

The Innkeeper

You're off.

Cliquet

How much?

The Innkeeper

More'n ya'll

Think; I'm afraid it's gonna turn out bad.

Cliquet

Well, what's it come to, if I can't add.

The Innkeeper

The first lot you had, that was three.

Cliquet

Okay, right.

The Innkeeper

Then one for the dice, see 810

And then for the three cubes you played:

Are you reckoning the debt now okay?

Cliquet

That makes five, I'm with you on that,

And the eleven deniers I just now asked:

Seventeen together; didn't I figure?

Innkeeper

Cliquet, don't forget you want me to lend'ya

And for that you have to think as well

That you have ta pawn somethin'I can sell.

You fit very snugly into that cloak,

I'm afraid it stays here when you go, 820

When you take yourself out through the door.

Pinced‚

(To the Innkeeper)

Dear sir, my man, I have many more!

There's more than one hare lying in the bush.

(To the others at the table)

That was five deniers we've drunk in full,

But now, to settle all, a game of dice.

Cliquet

D'you have any?

Pinced‚

Yeah, all the same size,

Cut clean, all square, the latest kind.

Rasoir

Oh, sure, yours I'd never ever mind!

(To Cliquet)

Doesn't that get to you, eh, Cliquet?

Cliquet

Na, well...

(To Cagney)

Hey there, Cagney! 830

Cagney, do you know what you're about to do?

Well, then, we want your dice to use

And you have first dibs if I win the big pot.

You never know when my touch'll get hot,

And you can have my head, if you have to complain.

Cagney

Cliquet, my head's screwed tight, if it's all the same.

(Cagney goes to find some dice)

Pinced‚

Now Cliquet, and you too, Rasoir, say,

Shall we divvy up what we have to pay

For the wine, or leave it to the dice?

Rasoir

Well the one out ahead, it's'is lucky night! 840

And the guy that scores least, the bill goes to him.

Cliquet

Cagney, God's arranged it to let you win,

So let's have them, your own set of dice!

Cagney

(Offering the dice to Rasoir)

There you go, Rasoir, don't let'em out'a sight:

The sheriff himself has checked them out.

Rasoir

My stake in this game comes to all the rounds

Of wine we have, right through till tomorrow!

Pinced‚

Okay, but keep your hand open at every throw.

Rasoir

Of course.

Cliquet

Sure, me too, good enough.

Pinced‚

Go on, in the name of God, and no tricky stuff! 850

Rasoir

(After having tossed the dice)

My lords, look at that, three fives!

Pinced‚

Now God give me sixes trice,

Each an egg to sell on market day!

(He throws the dice)

Cliquet

That was a low toss, Pinced‚,

That you gave Cagney's cubes:

Seems you've got yourself screwed

Into using your doublet to pay!

Now five points makes five deniers--

That's the rule -- you can count on that.

Pinced‚

(To Cliquet about to throw the dice)

Screw him who gets you to play. Damn! 860

Rasoir

Yesiree Bob! That'll make him ashamed.

Cliquet

Well, put it all down against your name:

That's the way to make it all fair.

Pinced‚

How'bout playing for solid deniers?

Cliquet

Yeah, sure.

Rasoir

Me, too, count me in.

Let's lay'em out here, all open:

Three deniers each beside the board,

And whoever wins takes'em off.

That way, there's no one can cheat.

And anyone broke can still take the lead! 870

Cliquet

What's the play?

Pinced‚

Whatever you say.

Cliquet

The highest points?

Pincede

Okay with me, by God.

Rasoir

My turn, and may I have the Lord's odds!

Cagney

(Bringing a candle)

Hold on there, you can't see the spots

Let me put this candle down on the table.

Pinced‚

That a way, and I'll pay soon's I'm able.

On that score, you and me are agreed.

Rasoir

(Counting his points)

God, twelve points to start for me!

Pinced‚

(To Rasoir)

Two fours and a two: that's only ten!

Rasoir

(To Pinced‚)

That's a count for a loser trying to win! 880

I bet you roll nothin' better than nine.

Pinced‚

(To Rasoir)

The guy's a jerk who falls for your line

And sweats out your point as somethin' to beat!

Cagney

(Interrupting suddenly)

So you think for nothing you get light and heat?

(Cagney takes a denier from the kitty)

This one's mine as is only right.

You'all think I gone home tonight?

It's a damned pain to wait on guys like you!

Cliquet

Cagney, put the denier back 'til we're through.

We got a game going here, don't you see! 890

Cagney

Cliquet, maybe for you guys, but not for me;

I'm just supposed to let that candle burn

And everybody else to wait out your turns

Shooting craps till God knows when.

Pinced‚

My turn -- what Cagney says is right, my friends.

(He rolls the dice, then speaks to Rasoir)

What's'a matter, Rasoir, you getting bored?

Rasoir

Course not, I seen how much you just now scored.

Cliquet

The roll is mine, after you two Rubes.

See, I'm gonna get eleven on the first two cubes.

As for the third, I want'ye to watch me go! 900

(Cliquet throws)

Pinced‚

You gave them cubes a smartass roll,

Like they do out there in Wanquetin! (a village in Normandy)

Cliquet

(Pocketing the nine deniers)

Sorry, these nuts are mine, cause a win's a win.

Count'em up, a double four and six.

Pinced‚

Put the money back, if you don't want a lick,

Or do you want me not to kick your ass!

Cliquet

Who do you think you're tryin' to shaft?

Ain't I got three points higher than you?

Pinced‚

Put the money back, I'm not in the mood,

'Cause otherwise, the mustard's gonna make me move! 910

Cliquet

Awful bad to hear what's coming out of you,

Since the points on the dice speak for themselves!

Pinced‚

But didn't I say your roll don't count for hell?

And you got the balls to pocket the kitty?

(Pinced‚ grabs Cliquet)

Cliquet

Damn, this creep's stompin' me already!

Look at'im trying to steal my cloak!

Pinced‚

But you're also gonna take a smash on your nose!

Remember I can put you down anytime.

Cliquet

See if I can't put up as big a fight,

Think again if you've been told I scare! 920

Cagney

(Shouting to the innkeeper)

Boss, hey boss! You're a loser here!

Come out quick or forget what you're owed!

These jokers are brawling and ripping up clothes,

So their rags ain't worth a beggar's hole!

The Innkeeper

(Running in)

Say there, Cliquet! Puttin' on a show?

Step back from him now, and you do the same!

Both in your seats till I know who's to blame

For the row and who's the one to pay.

Rasoir, now it's up to you to say

Which of these guys started this mess. 930

Rasoir

Inkeeper, let's not put it to a test,

For this fracas, I say, is bothering me.

Or ask Cagney who he thinks you ought to ream,

'Cause you won't catch him spreading lies.

Cliquet

Cagney, give us the truth and we won't mind.

Pinced‚

Me, too, there's no reason for me to cut out.

Cagney

Okay, then let's put all the deniers down

On the board, so we can have'em all back.

Cliquet

Right, here's eight deniers; they're all I have .

Now your turn to judge, as if we're all friends. 940

Cagney

Like lordings have you been tourneying again:

Nothing that's happened is anyway fair:

Two of them, I know, I can claim as my share

And the other six you can split whichever way,

'Cause if one o'you'se swears you won the game,

Ain't the others gonna' stand and shake his hand.

As for you, Cliquet, pour some wine in that glass

And pass it over here to buddy Pinced‚:

Don't I want you guys to come out okay,

Since you all said that I was to act as judge? 950

Cliquet

Pinced‚, I hereby announce I hold you no grudge;

And to show you I mean it, I offer you wine.

(He fills Pinced‚'s glass)

Pinced‚

Cliquet, as for me, you're a man, a true knight;

I know that the wine made you act as you did.

Cliquet

My friends, our partnership takes us to other biz,

So long as each of us now can close out the debt.

Though I see the sky's higher, and the moon's already set,

We can use the cover that the darkness still gives;

So it's time to get going and to pay up the chit,

'Cause there's nothing left over to keep us here. 960

Rasoir

Innkeeper, time to wish us well and offer good cheer!

'Course the deniers we owe are still in your debt,

But we know of some goods that if not stolen yet,

With a value worth a conquerer's sum,

Will give us a pile up to our skulls

That'll make us as rich as a ruler's treasure.

The bars of gold and the silver to measure

Are, I swear, a profit you can hardly imagine.

So I want to come to terms, that will cut you in,

That never in your life have you had before: 970

For here in your tavern, you have space to store

The hot goods we'll deliver to you,

That is, if you want a share of the loot;

You can split the take and decide on the shares

And take from us each what'll make us square;

So you've no reason to think that you'll be gipped.

Innkeeper

Then this is no trick just to get me ripped

Off and let Rasoir tell me another of'is tales?

Cliquet

My host, if God should keep me out of jail,

Away from shame and from miserable mischance, 980

If the law doesn't grab us, loot in hand,

So everything we snitched is lost for good,

Then you'll get back more than you thought you would,

A duffle-bag filled with the costliest gold.

But now we need a sack strong enough to hold

All the pieces we take in this incredible swag.

Innkeeper

Cagney, go hunt them up a bag,

For, God willing, we'll have a good heist.

Cagney

(Giving a baq to Cliquet)

This here, Cliquet, holds at least twict

As much as you'll get, with God's help! 990

Pinced‚

Host, in God's name! Pray for our health,

That the night turns our work to handsome profit.

Innkeeper

By my faith, my lords, may God support your effort!

(In the street, in front of the tavern)

Rasoir

Pinced‚, you're a master trained to this art:

Quietly go reconnoitre here at the start

And see if the king lies fast asleep.

(Pinced‚ go up to the palace, then returns, his mission

done.)

Pinced‚

Let's go you sons of whores, you grundgy thieves,

'Cause the king is sleeping and also his chiefs

So dead to the world they couldn't hear a peep. 1000

(First setting, in the treasure room)

Rasoir

(Rummaging in the treasure)

Cliquet, he doesn't give a shit for all this

If he's left it up to a horned saintliness

To keep his riches under his command.

Cliquet

Rasoir, take a look at those bezants

Spilling out of that heavy box.

Rasoir

Oh! the devil take it! like a pile of rocks!

Pinced‚, let's have that sack over there:

This coffer weighs too much to bear!

Only a little more and it'd do me in.

Pinced‚

Shove all that stuff in, any which way, 1010

For all I care, that coffer can stay;

I'm not about to split my shins.

I'd rather save my strength for this sack:

See, now, if you can set it on my back,

'Cause you two guys ain't as strong as me.

Rasoir

Okay, then, we'll do it all together.

(Pinced‚, helped by the others, has the bag on his shoulders)

Cliquet

Right, this way out is a whole lot better,

So long as you guys don't bump my knees.

(Second setting: Return to the tavern.)

Rasoir

Host, hey Host, open up quick!

Your sack is thicker' n thick, 1020

Listen up, we're not puttin' you on.

Innkeeper

Word o', welcome back, my men!

Get to it, Cagney, help bring it in!

Thought 'bout'youse, time you were gone.

Pinced‚

God, men, that was some job:

No one better'n me can rob

And have a set up this time of day.

Cliquet

Screw anyone that'd turn you away!

We need good wine to ease our pains.

The Innkeeper

My boys, what a job you pulled, what brains 1030

You have, who can deny any of that?

And now some wine not the least bit flat,

Ripened in the grape on a rocky coast.

Rasoir

Cagney, open the tap full at the nose,

So we can taste how thick it is.

Cliquet

Dear host, a candle now, a double stick

If you can have it brought in, please.

Innkeeper

There's no other kind if you want to see,

Far as I can tell or think.

Cagney

(Coming in with wine and candle.)

Friends, here you have'em -- light and drink,

Better than what there was above the bar. 1040

Rasoir

God bless it, I don't know a day or hour

When such a wine was set to age.

Cliquet

Cagney, there's no top to our wage,

So keep our glasses full to the brim.

(He drinks.)

Say! This wine's better'n any samplin'!

A true winner, right down to the lees!

So nuts to him who won't drink deep!

And all our goblets, see, come rounded out.

Pinced‚

Let's hand the wine jug right about,

I'll show you the bloody way it drains. 1050

Cliquet

Hey now! Ain't no one's goin' to take it away!

Let's leave us a swallow in the jug!

Pinced‚

Whew! God, I can't drink enough,

This here wine isn't quenching my thirst.

Cagney

You guys wanna give the dice another turn?

Rasoir

Sure, fetch' em out for us buddy boy!

Pinced‚

You said it, this play now I'm gon t'enjoy.

Cliquet

Pinced‚, the pot's gonna' be worth a win.

Rasoir

Heck! for what we enjoy or what we put in,

This time we wager against our necks. 1060

Pinced‚

Rasoir, ®MDRV¯hazard®MDNM¯'s the game I'm calling next. (Hazard rules:

I have a fistful that's thirsty for coins. 1st throw:3,

4,5,6,15,16,17,

Rasoir

Okay, my man, I'm ready to roll for the point; 18-winners;

Put your money in and we'll start it off! 2nd throw:3,

etc.- losers.)

Cliquet

(Drawing from the sack)

®MDRV¯Hazard®MDNM¯ it is, and I'll match you and more!

I put mine in, you guys do the same.

Pinced‚

Here's my pile, same's yours, I'd say.

Rasoir

See if this is enough to add to the till.

Innkeeper

Now men, what d'ya say to clearing the bill?

(The three thieves wave him off)

All the same to you, we've got to settle this! 1070

Cliquet

Wait till we quit, host, and we'll get it fixed,

What you got coming you can count as yours.

Pinced‚

Rasoir, see to it that nobody moves the board,

While we throw to pick who goes first.

Rasoir

I pity the guy who gives it a jerk!

Can't be steadier than I have it now.

Cliquet

From my angle it's too far bowed,

'Cause it's tilted upward toward your side.

Pinced‚

Go on, Cliquet, that's one of your lies:

I bet you a gold mark the board's okay! (= one ounce) 1080

Rasoir

(To Cliquet)

Put it in the middle like a kind'a weight:

Then you'll see how far it rolls at us.

Cliquet

(To Rasoir)

Look, just throw the dice and me some luck!

Pinced‚

The game is on! Keep your eye on the cubes!

Cliquet

Faith of God, seven points.

Rasoir

Damn, what a screw!

What is this, some lousy trick?

Pinced‚

Rasoir, it was your greasy palm that missed,

Give it a rub with a little talc;

And now I'll toss'em out like that:

(He throws the dice)

Sixes, a five. . .hey, that comes to seventeen! 1090

Cliquet

Well, that saves me trying to take the lead!

Let's ante up, Rasoir, he has the dice.

(The three put their stakes out)

Rasoir

By God, Cliquet, don't rub your eyes!

'Cause he knows how to stroke the cubes.

Cagney

(Coming in with a fresh candle)

A game with bad light can make you lose:

And you're not just betting on beads of glass.

Cliquet, set this candle tight in the stand,

And then maybe you'll be able to see the better.

Cliquet

Cagney, when the dice roll to my number

You can have a denier from each of us. 1100

Cagney

Just so as you guys don't make a fuss

Let me have three deniers, solid red.

Pinced‚

D'ya hear what this con artist said?

Won't he ever stop his running blather?

Innkeeper

Cagney, keep your nose out'a the matter!

I'll look after their orders myself.

Rasoir

Host, you're comin' out'a this very well,

'Cause I'm gonna be rolling like I was you.

Innkeeper

God bless.

Pinced‚

Lordings, you set for the cubes?

The dice are mine, and I'm playing the pot. 1110

Cliquet

Toss! And God give'yer two dice a seven spot.

Pinced‚

(He blows on the three dice)

Whew! Now ®MDBR¯hazard®MDNM¯ or here's sixteen!

®MDRV¯Hazard®MDNM¯, by God!

(He throws the dice.)

Rasoir

So then, you've rolled a thirteen!

Now, we'll gladly show you what ®MDRV¯hazard®MDNM¯ is.

Pinced‚

Craps! Okay guys, God don't let me miss!

(Pinced‚ drops a die)

Slipped! As William's my saint!

Cliquet

That don't count! Don't try to play

A slippery roll on us, or we'll roll you ourselves.

Pinced‚

Cliquet, you try to squeeze me, you can go to hell:

It's still my turn, if ®MDRV¯hazard's®MDNM¯ the game. 1120

Cliquet

Play then, but shake, and roll'em straight.

Some ®MDRV¯hazard®MDNM¯ this is, worse luck to you.

(Pinced‚ rolls)

Pinced‚

Look at that eight, lady luck's come through!

That's even better than the ®MDRV¯hazard®MDNM¯ I had to make.

Cliquet

Yeah sure, if you count the three you played.

The other two give you an ace and a four.

Pinced‚

Okay, it's thirteen or eight for my score,

That's that, one way or the other.

Cliquet

Go on, shameful to try and slip one over

With fingers like yours, fast on the shake! 1130

Pinced‚

(He throws the dice once more)

God! Another one: this is my day!

Seven -- couldn't do better if I tried.

Cliquet

Now a thirteen would just be fine,

If the roll is gonna come my way!

Pinced‚

Well! By St. Leonard, give us an eight!

Then the business'd be over and done.

Cliquet

St. Nicholas, let him miss by one!

Pinced‚

(Throws again)

Look at that eight now my friends!

Arn't the birdies up there on my fence?

The brood, I'd say, 'as a good nest. 1140

Rasoir

Pinced‚, I'll take the little nest egg

That you, old sport, just promised me;

And you said yourself, specifically,

That you'd do it for the very first game.

Pinced‚

Heck man, ain't you ashamed?

This pot's worth a hundred pounds!

What a promise is worth amounts

To zilch if a drunk's the one that made it.

Anyway, I said that when we played for shit.

Now when we start to play for wine again.... 1150

Rasoir

Pinced‚, you open yer'mouth, you sound like a hen!

And your promises, man, put'em out in the trash.

Pinced‚

Rasoir, tell me you're hurtin' for cash.

Cliquet

Sure, okay, that's what everybody thinks!

Pinced‚

Can I help it if you're some jinx

That squanders all our dough?

Rasoir

Better not leave the board alone,

Or it'll go fast enough, know what I'm sayin'?

Pinced‚

(Grabbing the money)

Yeah, you'd heist it okay, no hesitatin',

Cause, my God, you want it, nothing or all! 1160

Rasoir

Leave it!

Pinced‚

Now who's got hot, itchy paws?

Or maybe I'll have to scratch out your eyes!

Cagney

(Calling the innkeeper)

Hey boss, listen, they're both goin' wild!

Punchin' it out, even pullin' their hair!

Innkeeper

(Running in)

What is this? Pinced‚, have you lost your head?

Stop this now -- you, too, Rasoir,

I want you guys right where you are!

No need to tell me what started this up:

But I'm here to tell you enough's enough,

And the last thing we need is some kind of brawl. 1170

Pinced‚

Just as you say, but I didn't take anything at all.

Rasoir

Me neither, but he rubs me the wrong way.

Innkeeper

Okay, but take all these besants, Cliquet,

And put them back in the coffer.

Cliquet

That's an idea that I myself prefer :

There you are, I can't see what else to do.

Innkeeper

Word on it, it's like we are bran-new;

Something for everyone, all shares alike.

So we can take what is ours by right!

But why are you pussy-footin' so much? 1180

Rasoir

My dear host, I want you to listen up!

Everyone here's tired and frazzled,

The lack of sleep'as made us rattled.

We're all friends willing to divide,

But not till we've had a bit of shut-eye.

First setting: in the king's chamber.

Seneschal

Indeed! Apollin and Mahoun!

An image like that will not soon

Fade of the king's great treasure

That no one can hope ever to save,

Shaken and fallen down in a cave, 1190

As if destined to add to hell's own pleasure.

Only my sight can tell me otherwise.

The Seneschal discovers the disappearance of the treasure and

returns.

Seneschal to the King

Oh! King, what a miserable surprise!

Only a traitor would hide the news.

Arise, my unfortunate lord!

For a thief has taken much of your horde.

The King

What's this, who wakens me, by Mahoun?

Seneschal, what's this you have to say?

Seneschal

Sire, a thief has made you a beggar today,

And yet you cannot demand an explanation, 1200

Because to keep your gold you felt free

To assign a warden cut from a tree.

Look at him lying here, as if undone.

The King

Seneschal, is this the truth you're saying,

That I have played the fool to a thief's betraying?

The guilty one is that hoary bumpkin

Who presented himself as a man of sermons.

Call him here at once at my summons,

For I am well-prepared to sentence him.

Seneschal

(Crying to the jailer)

Hey there, Durant, jailkeeper, 1210

Is he still alive, your prisoner?

The king commands his presence here.

Durant

Sure.

(To the sage)

C'm here, you rotting ass, take

Three steps, not counting, out this way

From the jailhouse track I make you steer.

(He leads the sage to the king.)

Sire, here he is. God forbid

That anyone else stick him in his ribs:

I hope you let me do him the honors.

The King

(To the sage)

Old sow! how can you begin to pay

For the treasure I know you've stolen away! 1220

Your little sermon's cost me treasures;

Don't think your God'd going to save you.

(To the jailkeeper)

Durant, you're to design a torture to screw

The very life out of his sagging flesh.

Durant

Sire, I'm happy to be handed this sorry wretch.

I'll make his life a stinging death

The two days left 'til his final breath.

The Sage

Oh, do not, king, work this spite on me!

But grant, if just today, a chance to be

Relieved of torture, a stay of life! 1230

For God's still with us in these haunts,

And will give me help, if he so wants.

A brief respite is more than money buys,

Now that warfare's gone and there is peace.

The King

Why not?

(To the jailkeeper) Durant, we'll hear his plea,

But tomorrow then you bring him back.

Durant

On your way, you dog! The collar for you!

If only I could've had a week to screw

Every Christian pig up on the wrack!

The Sage

(In prison)

Saint Nicholas, man of deeds, 1240

Help me here in my need,

For now's the time to give accounts.

If my enemies count on all their power,

A friend will know this is my hour.

Lord, aid me whose faith in you is sound,

On whom this pagan king aims all his hate;

He means to have me killed at any day.

By noon he will have set his terms for me,

If his treasure remains unreturned.

Lord, I pray that, suffering fate, I have earned 1250

Your love, although I die in misery.

Durant

Hot damn, you dog, today you'll know

When you'll be trained to undergo

A drill so hard you can't imagine!

I don't give a shit for you or your God;

I'm gonna' make you a hat so hard

Of knotted cord to fit your thick head in.

The Sage

Saint Nicholas, be with me now I pray!

The time is short before I must pay

What these demons have charged to me. 1260

Saint Nicholas, look down and see my lot!

I cast my life with you, to die or not,

Though I have faith against all jeopardy.

The Angel

(Appearing before the sage)

Now then, dear Christian, be still, don't cry.

No matter what the burden, you'll conquer tonight.

Pray to Saint Nicholas to come to your side,

And he'll fight for you, for your cause is right.

Take courage and bear your wrongs in good cheer,

And count on Saint Nicholas to stave off fear!

Recall him in your heart lest doubts appear, 1270

Saint Nicholas labors, for he holds you dear.

If you've served him faithfully up till now,

Don't have regrets, but say your oath aloud,

Whatever rain should fall, don't seek drier ground.

Whoever works for God, his labor will redound.

(Second setting: in the tavern)

Saint Nicholas

(To the three sleeping thieves)

Brigands, God's own thieves.

Now up with you, enough of sleep.

The loss of your souls has no measure!

Your misery lies in your stolen treasure,

And the innkeeper's wrong to be your fence! 1280

Pinced‚

Who is this? Who's this rousting us from bed?

God Almighty! Just as I was sleeping hard!

Saint Nicholas

Son of a whore, you are all dead to God!

Look out, the gibbet stands prepared,

Not a one here will the hangman spare,

If you don't do what I tell you now.

Pinced‚

Man of wisdom, who has us cowed,

Who are you, who puts this fear in us?

Saint Nicholas

Young man, I am Saint Nicholas,

Who summons all back who've strayed. 1290

It's time for you to take your way,

To give the king his stolen treasure.

Your crimes've denied you hopes of pleasure

Since you dared to plot to break and enter.

The carving had to stand as sole defender

When amidst the treasure it kept the guard.

Take care and return everything you've robbed,

That every item's accounted for,

If you value the life you're headed toward,

And put the image back where it belongs, 1300

For mere delay will add to all your wrongs.

Pinced‚

By the sign of the holy crucifix,

Cliquet, what's to make of this?

And you, Rasoir, what's to say?

Rasoir

God, man, he's right, this sage,

And I don't need to work it out.

Cliquet

Me, too, I feel somethin' got me down;

Ain't nobody yet's made me so afraid.

Innkeeper

My friends, I never claimed a part of the take--

Always seemed you'd grown dunces ears. 1310

And since I don't do business with racketeers,

You just hustle your stuff out'a my inn.

Pinced‚

Host, I see how deep your ears are in,

If we're goin' ta own up and speak the truth;

Cause as fer sin and taking a part of the loot,

Your's 's a pattern as good as anyone's.

Innkeeper

Get out! you whore's son, you bum!

Think you're gonna put the finger on me?

(To Cagney)

Cagney, whatever you can, take from these three,

And then get them all out, out of my inn. 1320

Cagney

(Confronting Cliquet)

Let's go Cliquet! don't give me any chin,

Off with that cape and out of here!

Anybody'd bother himself with such small beer

Is asking for guff and nothin' but grief.

Cliquet

How many deniers on the bill?

Cagney

Seventeen:

Five for the wine and twelve for the loan.

Where did Pinced‚ and Rasoir go?

Okay, leave the cape and call it square.

(Pinced‚ and Rasoir both gone.)

Cliquet

Cagney, who are you to put on airs.

Cagney

Come again? You think the bill's too high? 1330

Hey, I'm almost givin' you a free ride,

If I let you off with your cape in hock!

Cliquet

As a master of pawn and a wine pouring jock

You beat them all out to the town of Dan! (maybe

in Belgium)

(Cliquet removes his cape)

Cagney

Now go and shake the devil's hand!

(In the street, in front of the tavern.)

Pinced‚

This time, you guys, it's worse than ever:

The devil's put a spell on our hefty caper

And is out to leave us in a rotten fix.

Like the luck gets good and then it shits;

If somebody squeals and wants to kick our ass, 1340

There ain't no way we're gonna come back.

Damn, do we look stupid in this crummy deal!

Rasoir

Go on, Pinced‚, dump it, if that's how you feel!

You brought it here, then haul the stuff back!

Cliquet

Well now the innkeeper'll 'ave a heart attack:

It's come out worse than he ever thought,

And his lousy sack looks like a double cross!

Pinced‚

Look, you guys, believe in my audacity!

Help yourselves each to a pile of these

Here bezants, and no one's gonna know! 1350

Cliquet

Shush, you fool! He'd make us roast,

Make us the fall guys up above.

(The thieves head toward the palace.)

First Setting

Rasoir

Put it here, cause here's where it was,

And put the statue right on top.

Pinced‚

(Unloading the contents)

That's it! Right down and damn the job

That I had bearing it on my back tonight!

Cliquet

Pinced‚, hey, it's gonna be all right!

You can trust a fool like me:

We'll each see how it's gonna be;

And someone, somehow, 's gonna succeed. 1360

Pinced‚

Sure, OK.

Rasoir

Sure, so help me Jeez,

'Cause here there's nothing good for us.

There's a wall I've had my eye on, just

Thin enough to cut through fast

And then inside to make a snatch

Of clothes a merchant's boxed away.

Cliquet

Men, I'm taking off for Fraisne,

A little past the town of Gaverell.

And if I can make my plans go well,

The mayor won't have a thing on me. 1370

Pinced‚

Cliquet, the mayor's wife is savvy,

She'll know who you are, soon as that.

Why knock myself out just to be grabbed:

Hey, I have found a place right here

That can easy put me in the clear,

Wash my dirty linen quick as a pinch.

Rasoir

Pinced‚, now that's what I call a cinch!

Pinced‚

God guide us all to a happy hour!

Rasoir

Take care, Cliquet!

Cliquet

You too, Rasoir!

(The thieves separate, each on his own way.)

(In the King's chambers)

The King

Ah! Mahoun, make all I've dreamed 1380

Become the stuff of my reality,

And Tervagan cast a glorious spell!

Let the barons now be ushered in

And come to counsel where I sit,

To pledge themselves and wish me well.

(To the Seneschal)

Seneschal, no more sleep, up with you.

Seneschal

Sire, may the dream I had come true;

None better could I ever have!

The comforts my dream revealed to me,

The treasure so high, I could hardly see 1390

The thieves hanged, when we got it back.

The King

So! seneschal, go and see what's there!

(The Seneschal goes into the treasure room, then reports to

the king.)

The Seneschal

Sire, my dream's truer than I'd dare

believe, for the treasure's restored

Greater still than it'd ever been --

By twice, I'd say, if I took it in --

And St. Nicholas stands above the horde!

The King

Seneschal, if I catch you playing the fool --

Seneschal

My lord, listen I'm not pulling the wool:

The stuff's greater than Octavius had, 1400

Way past all of Caesar's or Hercules'.

The King

Great God! This miracle's done alone for me!

Go quick and fetch the Christian, lads!

Seneschal

Durant, let's have your prisoner sage brought in,

He has nothing now to fear of punishment.

Why keep him locked up any more in the hoose.

Durant

(He goes to the prison and returns with the sage.)

Right then! old dog, don't think I'm dumb

Cause I didn't have you hoisted up by the thumbs

And twist out your teeth, a molar or two. 1410

Seneschal

My Lord, here he is, I bring him myself;

It's for you to choose to let him go well

Or by a wave of the hand to have him die.

The Sage

(Invoking saint Nicholas)

Saint Nicholas, as I give my faith to you

And never once deny the service you're due,

Keep my body whole and my spirits high!

Watch after your humble servant now,

Wipe the king's anger from his brow,

Who's promised to put an end to me,

So fierce his threats have always been. 1420

The King

Now tell me, my friend, my dear Christian,

Do you believe in his capacity?

Do you believe he'll win my faith?

Do you believe that he'll replace

The treasure I lost? Are you so sure?

The Sage

Oh, my Lord, why won't it be the way you ask?

He's already helped at least three lasses,

And he has had the three clerks cured;

I well believe that he'll conquer you

And cause you to quit your false law too, 1430

A faith that reason cannot let you hold.

In him do all good things begin.

The King

My sage, he's made a start to win

My faith, for today again I have my gold;

The miracle he's done is for me a fact,

Since he's had returned my loss in sacks.

And I swear I had trusted that no one could!

The King

(To the seneschal)

Seneschal, what reason's there now to lie?

That he has my faith I will not deny

Or that I never again will stray or should. 1440

The Seneschal

Certainly, Sire, I cannot swear and daren't say,

Except that in my heart I lay to you the blame

For long since failing to embrace his law

So that my impulse, now, is quite intense.

The King

My sage, Saint Nicholas demands deliverance;

I will act, without stint, as he foresaw.

(The sage goes in search of Saint Nicholas's statue.)

The Sage

Lord, blessed art thou all entire

That thy grace hast made aspire 1450

To thee this king who was thy foe!

God, the fool who turns his back to you

And, called to serve, will at once refuse,

Has lost your brilliant force, and will not know.

(to the King)

King, cast far away your foolishness,

But give to God your heart and hardiness,

That he likewise may grant to you the bliss

That he means to give to stalwart Nicholas.

Durant

Christian, christian, sad am I

That your were spared and did not die. 1460

The King

Saint Nicholas, I bind myself

To you, ever for love and your help,

With no deceit and nothing wry.

Lord, I swear myself to be your man;

As for false Mahoun and Tervagan,

And Apollin - no other three I so despise.

The Seneschal

As you have sworn, so I will too,

And body and soul, together and true,

Deliver to the valiant St. Nicholas;

And just as you reject what you despise, 1470

So do I let Mahoun and the others pass,

All their kin and all their fierce allies.

The Emir of Iconia

Sire, since you accept this other faith,

We, too, who hold ourselves your aides,

Accept as well as you the proffered creed.

The King

My lords, bend as one upon your knees:

As I have done, so do you now all three.

The Emir of Hyrcania

I accept the creed.

The Emir of Holoferne

I accept the creed.

(All together)

Let us all henceforth be Christian lords,

Saint Nicholas's surest force, 1480

For great are his considerate deeds.

The Emir of Hebron

Maybe for you, my Lords, but not for me,

For I cannot hear with this poor ear.

Cursed be he who'd have me turn for fear,

So that I live my life a renegade!

Ah! king, have you then become afraid

To fend off spurious recreants,

And let yourself so soon descend,

That you deserve to burn to bits of char!

Your senses and wisdom are down so far 1490

That they're not worth a meager flip.

Watch out for me, for fear I'd kick

You out, and for my homage take your fief.

The King

Hold there! my lords! for now I want to be

This man's guide, for all he's said in spite,

And have my joy of him and his soul new and bright.

So put him down, press him, hold him close.

The Emir of Hyrcania

Damn, Sire, he's too tough for jabs and blows

straight on. We'll have to lay a trap, we see.

The Emir of Hebron

G'wan! Bad news! So you think you'll grab me, 1500

Even if Mahoun protects, in truth, my destiny?

Outta here, miserable, false, absurd grandees!

Mahoun damn you, you and all your plans.

(A struggle against the Emir of Hebron)

The Emir of Holoferne

You're gon' over there, now I got ya' in ma'hands!

(The Emir of Hebron led by three others to the throne.)

The Emir of Hyrcania

My Lord, the traitor stands before you.

The Emir of Hebron

Ah Lord, for Mahoun's sake, I'm true!

Do not demand I quit my ancient gods!

Have them sooner tear out my grizzled locks

Or even at once cut off my head.

The King

By my crown, you must never dread 1510

To do as I have done, and don't forget.

The Emir of Hebron

Saint Nicholas, despite regrets

I must adore, by force compelled.

But still you'll have my outer shell

And nothing more, save empty vows.

My heart is Mahoun's, before and now.

Tervagan

Palas aron ozinomas

Baske bano tudan donas

Geheamel cla orla˜

Berec .he. pantaras ta˜. 1520

The Sage

Sire, what is it he's saying?

The King

Sage, his sad heart is raging,

Because I've given myself to God Almighty;

But let him go on with his Gog and Magog.

(To the seneschal)

Seneschal, go out behind the synagogue,

And cast him there, for all to see.

Seneschal

(Entered into the Saracen temple)

Tervagan, for the mirth you've had and tears

You must now comply and pay arrears,

In sadness, to all who had some clairvoyance! 1530

Come down these rungs and take no count!

Descend, below! never again try to mount!

Your worth doesn't come to a copper cent.

(The seneschal returns and stands before the King.)

The Seneschal to the King

Sire, I have left him sunk beyond all sight.

The King

Sage, now is baptism's touch the proper rite,

So soon as I can have it all prepared:

The service of God is my strongest care.

The Sage

Let us then sing in praise of God's glory

All together: Te Deum laudamus

Here concludes the play of Saint Nicholas that Jehan Bodiaus

composed. Amen.