The Abduction

by Mynona (Salomo Friedländer)

translated by Sheldon Gilman and Robert Levine

One house stood next to another. The faithful servants carried out their duties in the outer rooms, and in the sumptuous rooms the wealthy families enjoyed their easy life. Margaret mixed punch. Uncle Emile was chewing white bread with cold pheasant. Grandpa slurped one oyster after another. Then the servant Wilhelm cautiously approached the head of the household, Baron von Bohleke, and politely whispered , “ Three men who demand to speak to your honor have driven up outside.” “Then bring them into the reception room.” “But they are expecting the baron outside in their coach.” “What?” the Baron shouted, outraged. “Me! What kind of men are they?” “They are not of the upper class; they are people more like us.” “Where is my horsewhip?” “Here it is, sir.” Baron Bohleke went to the gate, where a rented coach stood, with three men sitting in it. They were wearing visored caps and shabby clothing; a bottle was passed from one whiskered mouth to the next. They looked like characters drawn by Zille, and one of them said, in a drunken voice: “If Bohleke doesn’t come out, then I’ll smash his skull with this bottle. Bohleke stepped close to the coach, snapping the whip against the leg of his pants. “What do you want? And please make it fast. Instead of answering, he was seized by six rough male fists, lifted into the coach, gagged, and the coach sped off, while the horrified servant stared open-mouthed. The three men meanwhile were laughing and drinking. They praised the driver of the coach. Bohleke lay like a package at their feet; he could not move; they had tied him up. After a thirty-minute ride, during which Bohleke made futile attempts to gain a sense of direction, the coach stopped. The three got out. One of them broke Bohleke’s whip. The others blindfolded him. He heard the coach drive off, and felt himself being lifted up. From the sounds of the steps he surmised that they were going through basement-like rooms. After a short time they removed the blindfold. “Gus,” said a rather rough voice, “get Maria.” Gus staggered off. They were in an empty room. Von Bohleke, still somewhat unsteady, put on his bravest face, and was about to kick up a fuss. But each man grabbed one of his arms. One of them put a greasy hand over his mouth, and the other said, “Shut your trap, baron, we got you in our power.” They forced him to sit down on a wooden bench and posted themselves gently on each side of him. “O.K., how much,” asked von Bohleke, “do you want for my immediate release.” “Nah,” the one on the right said, “you’re stuck here for the next 3 months.” “What?” screamed von Bohleke, “Swine! I…” “Cool it or I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich.” “I demand to know what your intentions are.” “Buddy,” said the one on the left, “something so good that you’ll think you died and went to heaven. Look! Here they are already. I’ll let you in on something else: we’re going to use you as a stud bull.” “As a…” however, even before von Bohleke could finish his sentence, Gus was back again. He was accompanied by an old woman with the unmistakable appearance of a procuress. “Look at Maria,” Gus said, “doesn’t she still have what it takes? Maria,” he continued with a sweep of his hand, “this is the well-known playboy, Baron von Bohleke.” “Boys,” Maria said seductively, “Leave me alone with the gentleman!” “But, Maria! Maria!” the three warned simultaneously. “Maria, what are you going to do?” Then they staggered off through a secret door. – Maria sat down next to von Bohleke, and acted submissively: “We have here a rather delicate matter, dear Baron. I have in the past seen better days, and I can easily imagine what you must be feeling now.” “Please don’t bore me, my good woman! Just tell me how I can put a quick and immediate end to this outrageous audacity?” “There’s no way,” Maria replied in a friendly manner. “You’ll just have to be patient for three months. That’s how long we’re going to keep you prisoner for purposes which I shall now explain to you in greater detail. You should know we have a first-rate organization. It’s a society for improving the genetic quality of the human race. We abduct aristocratic playboys, and force them, under the threat of death, to make love to carefully chosen girls from the lower classes; best quality goods, Baron. Up to now we have had no need to kill anybody. They were all more than willing to accommodate us.” “Damn sacrilege,” the Baron burst out, “that goes beyond the limits of any sense of decency.” “Come, Baron, why? People of your class, don’t they generally have amorous impulses? Why wouldn’t it be better to have a rational system, where there is a mutual attraction between the classes, and from the product of this mutual attraction create a valuable mixture of blood which would benefit the entire nation! We are idealists, Baron. Why this moral indignation? You of all people? Let me add I am from your class. I was, I am a countess. I’ve come down in the world. I am content with my lot. I’ve given life to young men who now play important roles in state and society. I’ve remained as a willing participant in this mission. Furthermore, my good man, you are, first of all, a connoisseur of beautiful girls; and secondly, we would have no qualms about killing you to get you to do what we want. O.K., please, please drop all this prudery!” “Madness,” the poor Baron groaned. He wrenched his fingers until the joints cracked. Maria looked smilingly into a face that was both angry and helpless. “Damn it, my good woman, now …” “Please, just call me Maria,” the good woman said. – “O.K., Damn it, sweetheart (ah, said Maria), I’m sure we can come to some immediate financial arrangement. You’re certainly idealists. But undoubtedly your supporting yourself with this kind of blackmail, and not with manna from heaven. Just arrange things as fast as possible, my dear. And there will be a little something extra for you in it!” “That’s not what’s going to happen, Baron. You have correctly surmised that circumstances force us to underwrite our idealism from the pockets of our victims. But, my dear man, let’s not forget our eugenic aims. As soon as our own doctor has positively established that you are about to become a father several times over, we shall let you go with our blessings. Not a moment before that; you will have to be kept here for the most intimate of human contacts. By the way, I’m telling you all this not in order to persuade you. We have drastic means, for example, we have torture chambers equipped with the best that money can buy. I’m only telling you this for your own information. I’m the receptionist here. To resist, Baron, is ridiculous and, indeed, could have disastrous, unimaginable results. Follow me voluntarily, or I’ll have to summon some nasty help.” Von Bohleke stood up. In the meantime his curiosity had in fact been aroused. Maria walked ahead of him. She stretched out her hand towards a barely visible bell on the white wall, and said, leaning back: “You are going to be living here in a more elegant manner than you have ever experienced before. If they cooperate, everyone finds first-rate treatment here.” The Baron hesitated, “I can’t conceive that you use force where it would probably be so easy to find great numbers of willing members, given such luxurious conditions.” “Ha, ha, ha,” Maria laughed delightedly, “you are splendidly naïve. In order for this secret state to operate with the state undiscovered we need billions, not millions. We need such sums that we couldn’t expect even a third of that amount in voluntary contributions. Do I need say anymore?” “How do you get so much money without somebody turning you in?” “But my dear fellow, who is going to turn us in? The law governing social security is on our side. Doctors, attorneys, yes even high, perhaps the highest officials, are our pensioners. But let’s suppose, my dear fellow, that the state itself had some secret interest in our remaining undetected, who would be left to stand up against us? You’ll learn that. We count among our clients a few princes. But that’s enough. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.” With these words she pressed the button. Hinges glided open. The painted wall rolled down revealing a Renaissance style bronze portal. On the portal were embossed figures of a proud, athletic man, waited on by young women. A door-knocker was hanging on a ring. Maria struck the ring three times against the door, producing a metallic, gong-like sound. The doors opened inwardly. A servant in black-velvet livery led the way through a wide corridor with overhead lighting into a kind of vestibule with splendid ebony furniture on a red carpet.

A wide glass window offered a view of a French park in which a fountain murmured. “Bring in the ladies,” Maria ordered the servant. Von Bohleke inserted his monocle in his eye. Silk rustled. From a high door opposite the window five girls in white silk veils appeared. Maria said in a commanding voice: “You are assigned to this gentleman. I expect that you will obey his orders. Baron, I can see by your expression that you are not displeased. I invite everyone to have a mutually satisfying time.” She went off ---

One house stands next to another. The faithful servants carried out their duties in the outer rooms, and in the sumptuous rooms the wealthy families enjoyed their easy life. Uncle Emil, however, was no longer happy. He was alone in his sadness, chewing on his partridge. Now and then a tear fell into his wine glass. Melancholy, Grandpa was slurping

His oysters. Margaret was singing at the piano; “Who has never eaten his bread with tears.” – The servant Wilhem came into the room carefully: “Your excellencies, a hired coach has stopped in front of the house, and I believe the Baron is in it. Grandpa’s oyster dropped on his shirt. Maria choked on the second line of the song. Uncle Emil got up, trembled, and heaved a deep sigh, choking on the last bit in his mouth. Von Bohleke stepped into the room. “God, you look radiant!” “A little vacation,” he said jovially. “Was in Paraguay. Excellent food. Terrible mail service. Forgive this surprise.” Grandpa asked: “Kammilo, are you o.k.? We had paranoia in a branch of our family.” – “More than alright, Grandfather!” He embraced Margaret searchingly. Ah, she found him so strangely passionate. Uncle Emil wiped his mouth and eyes. The servant Wilhelm was instructed to go to the Deutsche Bank. –

For sometime now people have displayed a fresh vitality. Everywhere there are dynamic aristocratic gentlemen, who are affable even to the most humble. What is the explanation? Maria, Gus, and von Bohleke, among others, know why, but remain silent: they silently receive large sums of money, and everything is going well; and almost every playboy longingly remembers his abduction.